All I Need

Chapter 30 - I Hate You More

Elias

After driving the girls back to the hotel, I went to the police station to pick up Alexander.

He had been beaten badly. A black eye, bruises, scratches, cuts, and everything else that I could visibly see on his face and arms. He didn't complain. He took it like a man and didn't cry. He never cried.

I told him about my meeting with Nathaniel. I told him I surrendered, and he was beyond pissed. Alex didn't get it. He didn't get that on the inside I was scared. That I didn't know what I was doing, and that Nathaniel reminded me of my father.

Never in my life did I want any of this. I didn't ask for this. The life, the money, or the problems. I wished I could go back. To when I was three and Daniel was four. When we still lived in Spain. When we were poor, and barely fitting into a one-bedroom apartment.

Obviously, I couldn't remember the specifics. But I knew we were happier. We were a family. My father hadn't gotten a taste of the power. He didn't know what it was like. He was ignorant, and that was the best version of him.

Although he was still an asshole, from what my mother told me. But maybe things could have gone differently, maybe he could have changed for the better. He could have loved my mother more, loved my brother and me more. The only reason why he and Daniel were dead was that we moved to America.

I wondered what he would say if he saw me now.

You're weak, son. You always have been, and you always will be.

Why can't you be more like your brother?

Be a man, Elias. That's the only way you will survive in this world.

Daddy issues at their finest.

"Are you going to drive her tonight?" Alex asked as I parked in the parking lot. "Wait till tomorrow. It's been a long night."

"I'm not waiting," I said. "She needs to leave as soon as possible."

He shrugged, choosing not to question me any further.

We entered the hotel, and I helped Alexander to his flat. I cleaned him up a little, bandaging his wounds and ordering him to hold a bag of frozen peas to his head. We did this every weekend when my father was still alive. When he sent us to complete dangerous tasks that he knew was too much for a couple of seventeen-year-olds.

I tried to stay as long as possible, dreading what I had to do next. Eventually, he told me he wanted to sleep so I left, making my way to Kaia's hotel room.

On the elevator ride down, my head began to hurt. Just thinking about what happened to us made me physically sick. I didn't want her to leave. I wanted her to stay with me forever, but I knew that would never happen.

I had to let go. She was just another girl. There would be more. There could be as many as I wanted. Often enough, I had a million opportunities to sleep with women, yet none of them were her.

Idiota.

You're such an idiot Elias. You haven't even slept with her, or seen her without clothes on. She didn't mean anything. She was nothing. Kaia was nothing.

She had to be nothing.

For about five minutes, I stood outside, attempting to figure out what to say and how to say it. I didn't feel like being nice or kind. I just wanted her gone. As soon as I didn't have to see her, then I could begin to forget.

I finally knocked and she opened the door.

She looked so pretty.

Why did she always have to look so fucking pretty?