Breakfast on Tuesday

23. Terrified girl

"You have to remember to protect your emotions, Carla. Some men act weird after sex."

"Weird how? Did Jacob act weird?" Jacob was the American exchange student Madeleine was currently messing around with.

"Oh, oui, he did. They may ignore you or shut down. Jacob did it because he knew he had to go back home in a couple of months and didn't want to get too involved."

"That makes sense."

Except it didn't.

Not in my case, anyway. Dante was guarded even before we had sex. I drank more of my beer and my body started to loosen up. Eli's playlist was pure fire in the background and I couldn't stop dancing around the room with Madeleine.

I spared Annabella a glance. She was still chatting away with the guys but I noticed that her glass was fuller now than before. Good. She had gotten a refill. One more refill and she should be primed for an interview.

"Tell me more, Mad. How does sex affect us?"

Madeleine chuckled. "I'm no expert but I have had sex many many times. It can make you fall in love or at least make you think you're in love. My mother always told me to have sex but to keep my heart out of it. Don't have sex with someone hoping to make them fall in love with you. So never have sex for any other reason than sex and pleasure."

Oh well, too late now.

I wanted Dante to be my boyfriend.

No, you don't! No, no, no. He's ruthless. Dangerous. Rude! And so cold. Harsh even.

But I liked all those things about him.

Toxic. That's what you are. This man nearly strangled you. Please think about this.

I was thinking about it and that was why I was having this weird-ass conversation with Madeleine.

"But isn't sex so much more than just sex and pleasure?" I asked.

"It's a whole lot of chemicals. That's what it is. And those suckers are powerful."

"Transformative."

"Hmm." Madeline took a huge gulp of her beer and I did the same. "Great sex can turn an ugly man into prince charming, and I don't just mean ugly physically. It keeps toxic couples together. Others are addicted to it. There are just too many feelings involved."

Nah, just one feeling in particular. One I hadn't felt before for any man.

That's called infatuation. Lust. Desire. Obsession. Insanity. Yeah, definitely the last one.

No, this was more.

I wanted to be his - his woman - and not just some random girl he fucked on a Tuesday.

After a while, Annabella came up to our little bubble and asked if we wanted to join her and the guys in a game of Never Have I Ever.

I had never played the game before, so I agreed. We all sat down on the huge bed facing each other. Annabella of course was sandwiched between Eli and Eduardo, Eduardo who still didn't have on a shirt.

Eli started us off, his eyes drilling into mine as he spoke. "Never have I ever had sex with someone on the same day I met them."

My lips parted, partly in shock and partly because I knew it was my turn to drink. I hesitated, waiting to see if anyone else would react. The only reaction I got was several pairs of blinking eyes staring at me.

"Really, Eli?" I drank half of my beer as was discussed before we started the game. I immediately felt full and queasy. "How long does it take for you to sleep with someone? Is there a rule about this I missed somewhere? I thought we were living in the twenty-first century, so why do I feel like I did something shameful?"