Finding My Normal

Ch 3: Tackling the Assignment

Waking up the next morning I felt exhausted and my neck was killing me.  Wait a minute why am I at my desk and not the bed?  I click the spacebar on my keyboard to wake up the monitor and find the screen filled with the DVD Menu for Mean Girls.  Oh yeah, I stayed up doing "research".  Mean Girls, Sleepover a few episode of Dawson's Creek, Gilmore Girls and Degrassi.  I still have plenty on my list to watch like Perks of Being a Wallflower and The Breakfast Club.  I'm skipping all the teenage Lifetime movies.  Those scare me and I think they will make my fears of the outside world worse than what my imagination comes up with on its own.

I look at the little clock in the corner of my computer monitor it's only 6:30am.  I decide I'm going to visit Kota just like I told him last night.  I don't want to randomly pop over so I need a reason.  I know!  I can bake him some cookies and bring them over like a welcoming present.  People do that right?  Wait, I'm the new person on the block he should be bringing me cookies, then I visit him when I bring back the platter washed and clean.  That's how it happens in the movies and books not the other way around.  Whatever!  It's my only excuse.  I'll just say it's to return the favor for the hot chocolate he gave me.  I hurry and take a quick bath and change into fresh clothes.

I go downstairs and find my parents are already up.  Of course, they are always up at the crack of dawn.  While Mom makes breakfast I start to take out the ingredients I need, a baking sheet to cook them on and I set the oven to start pre-heating.  When I look up from my task I find my parents are staring at me like I'm crazy.

"Hey Monkey what are you doing?  Mom is already making breakfast."  

"I know Dad I'm going to make cookies".  

As Dad walks by to get something from the refrigerator he stops and with his stern tone says, "Booger, what have I told you about candy for breakfast?"

"Dad cookies are not candy, there's flour and water and eggs..."  

"and sugar and chocolate...that's candy to me, Booger"  

"Ahhh!!  How many times have I told you not to call me that!"  I nagged.

Mom interjects at this with, "Babykins your dad calls you that because he loves you"  

"Really?  Boogers are gross, Mom.  Besides I'm not eating the cookies myself so there!  I can still make them because they are not for me."  

Silence descends over the room and I just realized my mistake, they are wondering who I'm making them for.  Since I have no friends and I haven't been outside the house in years they are going to be thinking for a long time.  

My mom is the first to speak up, "Babykins, are you making them for us?"  

"No Mom I'm making them for our neighbor across the street."  

"A boy? When did you meet a boy?  Do you like him?", Mom says with a smile.  She probably thinks I'm starting to act normal.

"Pooh bear is this that boy that was here last night?" Dad asks.  

"What!?!  A boy was here last night?  Why am I the last to know?"  My parents start arguing and blurting out questions I can't answer because I can't even decide which one to tackle first.   Why is Mom asking me if I like him?  Why would that even cross her mind, it's just cookies, right?  My parents continue their conversation while I continue trying to start my cookies.

"Monkey is too young to date, she needs friends first."  Date?  When did that come up in the conversation, I'm just taking cookies over!

"When did she meet him anyways, are you serious he was here last night?"  

This is going really off topic and I don't want them digging deeper into what happened last night.  It's time to set things straight.  "Guys!!  Guys!!  Stop I can explain."  My parents stop their loudness and focus their attention on me and I freeze.  I can't tell them it's to return the favor for the hot chocolate because that will bust me over the lie I told last night.  I can't make something new up because they will know I'm lying.  Just great!  I seem to create trouble every time I open my mouth; okay not a problem just think of something that is true and add it to the explanation.

My finger hovers over my bottom lip as I think and start to explain "Umm, well I decided that I am for sure taking the assignment.  I'm not going back to the way it was, I want to do this."  My dad is the first to respond, "Doodlebug are you sure?  You know we will do whatever you need; family first."  

"Yes, Dad I know.  Family first, that's why I want to do this.  You also told me family is a choice and I choose to be a part of this family.  I want to get better and do this assignment for my family."  

My mother walks over to me smiling, "Babykins, I am so proud of you and you can stop at any point if it gets too hard.  Just say the word."  She gives me a hug and I try not flinch and be so stiff like I usually am.  Even though she has been my mom for five years I am still not comfortable with people and gestures of love.  But today is a new day and I find the courage to lift my arms and place them lightly on her back just as she was about to pull away.  She tenses for a moment realizing what I have just done and then squeezes me tighter.  I don't know when to let go, but when she starts to pull away so do I.  I see a small pool of tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, but they are not sad tears; judging by the smile on her face they are happy tears.  It was worth setting aside my fears for a quick moment to see that smile on Mom's face, maybe I can be the daughter my parents deserve.

The moment is interrupted when Dad booms, "Booger, you are not dating any boys!  That's final.  You need to start with baby steps, make a few girl friends first and focus on your assignment."  Then it clicks, the perfect excuse for my parents to let me take cookies to Kota.  "I'm not dating him. He's part of my assignment."  Both statements are true.  I think my parents will buy it.  

My mother is squinting at me like if she looks hard enough she will see the lie. "You know Sang, girls only bake cookies for boys they like."  What!?!  This was in none of my "research".  How could I not know this, I am so busted now.  Before my brain has a chance to come up with another lie my mom continues, "Oh Sang you couldn't have known! It's okay, Babykins don't look so scared.  If I had known you were going to start on your assignment so soon I could have helped you.  Are you sure you can go outside?"

My parents didn't know I had been practicing for weeks now and only just last night made it off the curb.  If I did tell them they would never let me go see Kota.  

"Yes, Mom.  It's mind over matter I can do it.  Please let me make the cookies and take them over to Kota's.  Please...please with a cherry on top."  I add a pout to my lip just to make sure they go for it.  

"Oh great she's doing the lip!  Doodlebug, fine you can go.  Here are some tips, I know we've already given you basic training, but you are just responsible for getting to know these kids and measuring their skills for fit within the Academy.  So bring your cookies over, introduce yourself as new to the neighborhood and talk to him a little."

I begin to move around the kitchen gathering bowls and measuring ingredients to not waste anymore time.  "I know you're not used to it, Monkey, but he will probably start the conversation himself to want to make a new friend for school." Dad explains.

"Especially a pretty friend like my Babykins!"  

"Babe please, I don't want to hear about boys thinking about Booger as pretty!"

"Boogers aren't pretty , Dad, so you don't have to worry about anything there."  I tell him.

"Sang, you are more than pretty, you are beautiful.  One day a lucky boy will meet you and think you are the most gorgeous, most intelligent girl in the world and he will want to spend the rest of his life with you."

"Better be one day, 50 years from now."  I hear my Dad mutter under his breath.  

Little did I know, that day was sooner than my parents and I thought would ever be possible.