Finding My Normal

Ch 58: A Rose by any Other Name

Two weeks later...

The day after my last dream I was on edge the entire time at school. After my encounter with Volto my imagination started running wild with the possibilities of what happened that day. Maybe someday when Volto finally reveals himself I will know for sure what occurred. Only then will I rest soundly.

The past two weeks have continued to be torture. Each night I dread sleeping out of fear my mind will recreate another way my parents died. One dream I multiple masked Volto's rush in to the scene of the accident and purposely push our car over the edge.  Two nights later I dreamed Volto was behind the wheel that crashed into my parent's car.  More often though Volto seems to help in my dreams-- pulling me out of the car.  In the most recent version, Volto didn't make it in time and I went over the edge and into the rocky water with my family. The only consistent part is the car going over the edge and Volto calling me Miss Sorenson instead of Anderson.

Each night the scenario changes, but each night Mr. Blackbourne appears as Volto. Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? Is this the answer? Mr. Blackbourne is Volto?  Or am I just stressed, terrified and making things up in my nightmares?

I thought a meeting with Volto would help me figure him out, but it didn't.  I still have questions and I'm even more afraid of him now that he admitted he wants to take me.  I sort of knew all along he wanted to take me, but for some reason I never thought it would happen.  He had stayed away for so long.  I knew he was out there, but I could feel him in the shadows, just outside my vision.  Ever since I started school and Ashley Water's he's stepped up his torment.  What triggered it?  Why now?  Why would he insist on taking me now when he's had plenty of opportunity in the past?

Am I even picking up the right clues as to Volto's identity?  I feel like I'm missing something important, but I can't put my finger on it.  I had narrowed it down to Jay or Mr. Blackbourne, but there is no defining piece of evidence pointing to either one. I need answers! I don't think I can take one more night of this.  Each night I have a nightmare is another chance my parents will hear me screaming or yelling.  It's one more chance they will want to help me.  I don't want more appointments with Dr. Roberts. I don't want my parents to find out and start worrying and fussing over me.  I know they mean well, but I just want all of this to stop.  I want Volto out of my life so I can be normal.  He's consumed me.  I don't know what's worse-- being afraid of Volto and staying inside for 5 years or all the nightmares I've had to endure the past two weeks.  

My friends have already noticed my change in demeanor these past weeks. The first few practices with Victor for the talent show were a waste of time because I was so distracted. He could tell I was stressed and offered to treat me to a spa day, but I couldn't let Victor spend money on me.

At lunch time the boys look sad when I don't talk much or I don't laugh when something is funny. I can tell they are worried and I do my best to mask it, but my dreams are consuming me each night leaving me drained the next morning.

I'm in the dress rehearsal for the talent show before the real thing tonight. Of course with Victor's amazing skills we made the cut. I can't say I helped much, my singing voice is mediocre at best. I've had to endure practice after practice with Mr. Blackbourne coaching me. It was the strangest thing having him teach me to sing. Strange because I was getting anxiety just being this close to Mr. Blackbourne, but at the same time I wanted to hear him sing. I bet his voice would be beautiful, but nope he never opened his mouth to sing, only to give me directions and pointers.

At one rehearsal he even brought out a violin and started playing with Victor. It was amazing to watch and I couldn't help but want to learn the violin too.