Neon Red [Order The eBook] [Zayn]

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(DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. It's important to remember this is all totally fabricated, embellished, and exaggerated for entertainment purposes.)

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Crazy

I plead insanity

Crazy for you, baby

Crazy, na, na

Frank Ocean | Lovecrimes

January 2014

It took him a long time to get over that shove and let me back in, even as just a standoffish friend. I'd handwritten him a letter to let him know how sincere I was, and apologized for my behavior, but also expressed support for his new relationship. It was the only way he'd stop treating me like a criminal. Still, things weren't fully back to normal and likely wouldn't be again. That letter had only gotten me back in his good graces enough to be addressed directly and not through third parties or management. Occasionally he said Hi and Bye when we were at work functions. I got lucky when I sat beside him in France at the award show, but still, he'd booked it back to London that night to spend the rest of it with her, and I'd gone back to my hotel room to vomit.

It really sunk in that we were over when he began demanding a separate private jet. I had gotten used to the separate busses ordeal and understood his position on that because I smoked too much and Louis left the place looking like an absolute tip most days, and his feet smelled really badly. However, none of that applied to the plane, so that meant his sudden demand for a separate PJ could only be his way of getting rid of me. What a soul-killing thought.

Self-esteem was a foreign notion. Mine had plummeted into non-existence and even my appearance and eating habits had begun to suffer. When I lost loads of weight, Perrie questioned me but I assured her it was fine. That I was just a little depressed and would be back to normal once we got on the road again. Somehow I'd convinced her that I missed the stage and wouldn't be right until I returned to it, although in reality I was still quite exhausted and would've preferred to be off for another six months to recharge.

He must've felt bad for me after my birthday, as he seemed to soften a little. Weeks later, we both still exchanged birthday gifts since we'd planned them out long before the sudden breakup. I got him a first edition signed copy of Bukowski's Love Is A Dog From Hell, and he got me an engraved Rolex and told me it'd be my best year yet. Boy would he turn out to be dead wrong, but I still appreciated the affirmation at the time. He meant well. 

At the end of January, he put the watch on my wrist as I sat on the edge of my bed in my hotel room. It was a belated gift as we'd spent New Years' with our respective girlfriends and families and hadn't heard from each other at all. The award show in France was the last time I'd been anywhere near him, and we'd even fist bumped once we won. Still, in just the short span of time since that night, I'd come to miss him so dreadfully my stomach knotted violently as I sat with him now, blessed with his undivided attention. Plus, he hadn't seen the tattoo of his eye on my inner arm yet, and it was a life-giving secret I'd try to keep to myself, as long as it made me feel so full. Like I'd stolen a piece of him to give me strength through my darkest days in this mental wilderness.

He was squatting before me and I was daring myself to meet his eyes. After adjusting the gorgeous leather-strapped timepiece with the blue steel embellishments, he dragged his hand down mine and absently played with my fingers. Old habits died hard. Or at least that's the excuse I'd use after I did what I was planning to do. Before he could get up, I grabbed ahold of his jaw and planted my lips to his, exhaling through my nose in such relief that I nearly passed out. The connection was the sweetest jolt of my life. Birds twittered around in my head. I was transported to flowery meadow in the dead of summer. I could feel the sunlight on my face. The wind whispering through my hair. The timing had been impeccable. He didn't push me away as quickly as I thought he would. Instead, he let me have my moment, and even let me get in a few desperate pecks afterwards, telling him how much I needed him.