We had just experienced the new year 2019 and I was 23 years of age. My brother started to get ill, it first started with a simple headache but after time it got worse. We all thought it was just a bug, but 2 weeks had past and he wasn't getting any better. My brother was later rushed to the hospital and we later discovered that it was cancer. As the doctor said those words, my mind began to spin with emotions as it took my entire family by surprise. Tears began to fill the brim of my eyes. For a moment, me and my brother looked at each other eye to eye with me thinking I couldn't afford to lose him.
A week later, it was the night when only it was me and my brother in the hospital and we had an awesome time! We had conversations about all kinds of things, had laughs and watched a few videos too. The time came for me to leave. We said a prayer together, said our goodbyes and looked at each other for the last time that night. That was the last time I spent with him. The next day he was put into an induced coma. 11 days later, they had removed him from life support because they said that his form of cancer was rare and that there was nothing they could do. Me and my family however still believed that he could somehow pull through.
Later that night, I got a phone call from my dad asking me to come in and so I came with my brother's best friend. As we walked towards the room I opened up the door and saw everyone sitting there and as I started to grab a glimpse of what was going on my dad came to greet me at the other side of the door and then said the soul crushing words..."Your brother is gone."
The moment he said that I felt something tear the insides of my chest and make its way through my stomach and down to my gut. I was totally destroyed internally. I approached my brother's still body as it laid there. As I lean on his chest, tears formed as I storm out of the room with mixed and intense emotions. One of my older cousins went after me and eventually found me sitting on the floor in complete disarray. "How am I supposed to live my life without him?" I sobbed trying to make sense of everything. My cousin simply sat next to me with her arm over my shoulders comforting me without saying a word. When we all arrived back home, all I wanted to do was sleep. I also hoped that maybe if I went to sleep I would wake up from this horrible nightmare.
As a person, I have been through so many dark things. But this was by far the worst day of my life. I can still remember all of it like it happened yesterday.
Around 3 days later, I was in a room thinking about everything that had taken place. My mind was saturated with despair, my heart grew heavy with pain and I was drowning in sadness. All of a sudden I felt Jes' presence fill the room and it was as if he was watching me. "WHY!? HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!?!"
Tears began to stream down my face and gradually made a small puddle beneath me. Then out of nowhere, a feeling of peace overtook me. It felt as if I was being comforted and listened to even though I never heard an answer back.
Later that evening, I was reading an old journal from a while ago. It slipped out of my hand, fell and went to a different page. On it was written in bigger letters '"It's up to you now, the ball is in your court!" These words really jumped out and grabbed me for whatever reason. "Lusano?" I said my brother's name out loud suspecting it was my brother. In that very moment I began to feel a tingle running up and down my back. Of course, if you're this far into the book, you know what that means...
Somebody from the other side was paying me a visit!
"Bro, don't be angry at God. Everything went according to plan. I'm okay and I'm happy." I was stunned! Maybe because I never had someone who was as close as my brother reach me from the other side before. I knew without a shadow of a doubt it was him. "I'm glad you're okay bro!" I said with a tear. "I'll do my best!" The truth is that I've had a bunch of other experiences with my brother since the time all of this happened. Perhaps I'll share more of them one day.
Painful experiences like loss happen to many people and sometimes, as a result, we can lose sight of our inner-voice. But even in those painful experiences, intuition can still be there communicating and gently guiding us. It doesn't always mean that we will understand everything that happens in our lives, God knows I didn't at that point. But if we're still willing to be open minded to the guidance within, then we can somehow be able to turn something like this into something beautiful.
I'm not encouraging anyone to repress their grief, pain, anger and all other emotions that we face when we deal with loss. On the contrary, we must face them and learn to express how we feel in a healthy way. That's the only way we can get better, grow and truly cope with our losses. But if we allow space for our intuition to step in, we will soon discover that in partnership with it, we will be able to create a beautiful tapestry even from the most painful and tragic messes of our lives.
I know how difficult it can be, I never saw the light at the end of the tunnel for a while after my brother passed. Everyone deals with things like this differently and the process of grief is different for everyone.
But I'm sure they wouldn't want us so lost in our grief we end up destroying ourselves. They would want us to live on and eventually find our joy again. I personally know that this is what my brother and all our loved ones who've passed want for us. Even though it can be hard to imagine sometimes, beauty can still be found in the ashes.
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Journey with Your Intuition
Spiritual"Some people call this hearing the voice of God, others describe it as a knowing, but universally, we know it as 'intuition'... Over time, I have also taught a lot of people how to hear that still small voice many have often or occasionally encount...
