Tre Ragazzi e Una Ragazza

13 ~ Thoughts in the Park

After I had run out of the theatre in tears, I didn't know where to go next. I didn't feel like being around people, especially considering what a mess I was at the moment, both in appearance and in mind. I just needed some time on my own. As I walked through the city, I saw things that reminded me of the boys. The street corner where I had first met Lucio, the cable car where I had first met Cosimo, and Caffè e Dolci, where I had first met Amedeo. Usually, they would fill me with happy memories of the unique meetings of three of my very good friends, but now they just filled with me sadness and grief. It felt like I was mourning a loss. In a way, I was; the loss of our friendship. Things could never be the same now that I knew their true feelings for me. 

Despite the memories that were attached there, I decided to go to the park near Little Italy. I sat under the same big tree that Lucio and I sat under once. The memories of that day kept coming back to me. As I thought about how much fun I had with him that day, I felt tears well back up in my eyes. I brought my knees up to my chest, hugging them, and bent over, crying into my knees. I sniffled, trying to stop crying and regain my composure. I frowned at how I was acting, wiping the tears from my eyes in a hurry. I couldn't fall apart like this. I needed to really think about what I would do. The next move was mine. If anyone could save our friendship, it would have to be me. 

While I was busy thinking and also crying, my phone was buzzing like crazy in my purse. I glanced at the screen to see that they were all individual texts from either Cosimo, Amedeo, or Lucio. I scanned the first few words of the texts that popped up on my lock screen. 

Cosimo: I'm sorry Daniela, you are so....

Amedeo: I regret so much forcing you to...

Lucio: Daniela, I'm sorry...

I couldn't bear to even look at their names. I hurriedly turned off my phone, shoving it back in my purse. I couldn't deal with them all right now. What would I even say to them? I wasn't even sure of how I felt and, until I figured that out, I couldn't answer any of their confessions. How did I really feel? Did I truly love any of them like how they loved me? Was it Lucio that I really loved? If I did choose one of them to love in return, would I hurt the others badly and destroy our friendship for good? 

Thoughts like these and more ran through my mind. It felt like I was going insane. I lied down on the grass, looking up at the clear, blue sky above me. A stray tear escaped from my eye and slid down the side of my face, watering the grass next to me. I closed my eyes, more tears falling down my face and onto the grass. If I had known how attached I was going to get to these men and how it would all be taken away from me in just one afternoon, I don't know if I would ever have gone into the auditorium that day. I could have gone through each day in blissful ignorance, not knowing their true feelings for me, and everything could have stayed the same. 

I frowned. As I thought about it, I realized how that would have been incredibly selfish of me. I had no idea how long they had felt this way, but for them to be so frantic like this, clambering over each other just to confess to me, it must have been burdening them so much. I would've wanted them to come to me with anything, and this situation was no different. I just didn't know it was going to hurt my heart so much to have to choose between them. I loved them all so much in different ways and I would never dream of hurting any of them. But with this, it felt like I had no choice. 

I sat up from the ground, hugging my knees close to me once more. I glanced back at my phone, nestled safely in my purse. I knew I couldn't ignore them eternally. I really had to think about this, about what my answer to them could be. I decided to think about each one of the boys, seeing what my honest feelings towards them all were.