Tre Ragazzi e Una Ragazza

14 ~ Aftermath

After I came home from my thinking session in the park, I was met with my mother in a panic, wondering why I was out for so long after rehearsal and also why I was drenched. I couldn't even explain before I collapsed into a ball of tears, hugging her tightly. When she was done screaming, vowing to destroy whoever it was that had done this to me, I was able to tell her everything that happened. I told her about what happened at the theatre, how they all confessed to me, and how I realized I really loved Lucio, but I couldn't let him know my true feelings without ruining our friendship. As she listened to me, her face remained neutral. When I was done, she just reached over and wrapped me up in a big, comforting hug. It was what mothers did best. "I knew something like this would happen. That's why I told you to be careful." I nodded. "I know, you were right. As always." 

She looked back at me, sighing. "So, what do you want to do?" I sighed. "I want to focus on my singing. Everything else is secondary to me." Although, this wasn't exactly true. It was scary how important Lucio was becoming to me. But singing was still number one to me, and that's what I was going to focus my heart and soul on. My mom nodded. "You do what you feel is right, mia figlia. I know you have good judgement, and you always make the right decisions." She smiled at me encouragingly. "And you know if you ever need help with anything or if you just need someone to talk to, you come to your mamma. With anything. Got that?" I smiled, appreciatively. "Got it. Grazie, mamma." We embraced in another supportive hug, which lifted my spirits immensely. I spent the rest of the day working in the restaurant and practicing my piece. Definitely not thinking about Lucio at all. 

A week passed and I still didn't respond to the guys' texts. I felt bad, but at the same time, I had no idea what I would say to them. Hi Cosimo! Sorry, I don't love you. Hi Amedeo! Sorry, same thing. Hi Lucio! Let's get married!  I cringed even thinking about saying these things to them. It was already the day of another rehearsal, and instead of being excited, I was dreading what it would be like to walk into the theatre and have to face Cosimo, Amedeo, and Lucio again. Would things just be back to normal, like nothing had happened? Would they hate me and refuse to have anything to do with me? Would they still consider me their friend? I drove myself crazy with these thoughts. I decided to just distract myself with more work and practice, ignoring whenever my phone would buzz with a text from one of the guys. 

Soon, I was standing in front of the Solstice Theatre yet again. I felt nervous and anxious going in, not because I was intimidated by the immensity and grandeur of the theatre, but because I was nervous about seeing and talking to the guys for the first time since they confessed their love to me. I took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to calm myself down. I puffed up my chest and brought a spirit of determination upon myself. All this was for the opera showcase. It was for Italy. It was for my dreams. I tried to ignore the thoughts in my head and my heart, reminding me of how Lucio was sitting right behind those doors. I walked into the theatre and into the auditorium, bravely. 

This is where I wanted to turn around and leave. I could spot the three guys sitting in the audience, but they weren't sitting together. Cosimo was sitting in the front row, Amedeo was towards the back, and Lucio was in the middle. They were all far apart from each other, not talking to or acknowledging one another. I felt my heart sink to my stomach like a stone. Were my worst fears coming true? Was the friendship between them really over? Was I the cause of it? I didn't want to think about it. I tried to give myself a mini pep talk before I walked down the aisle. As soon as I reached them, all eyes turned to me. Cosimo, Amedeo, and Lucio all stared at me. None of us were smiling or frowning. It was the feeling of seeing someone after a very long time and not knowing what to say. I decided to try and be the bigger woman. "Ciao, guys." I waved shyly to them. No response, except for the same stares and the little wave I received from Lucio. I looked over at him. How badly I wanted to sit down next to him and hold his hand in mine. I looked back at Cosimo and Amedeo and frowned. How badly I wanted to sit with everyone and have everything go back to normal.