Tre Ragazzi e Una Ragazza

20 ~ Amedeo's Confession

There we stood, outside of the Solstice Theatre in the cold, San Francisco weather. Amedeo and I stood in silence, staring at each other, just waiting for the other to start speaking first. The cold, winter wind was blowing through our hair, sending a chill through the already suffocating air around us. I hugged my arms awkwardly as I looked between the ground and at Amedeo. Never once did he take his eyes off of me, staring at me with his signature smoldering, pensive look. He sighed and finally, was the first one to start the conversation. 

"I'm sorry." He breathed heavily. Already, his eyes looked red with tears, and he could no longer look at me. He was looking to the side, shuddering a bit. I couldn't tell if he was shuddering from the cold or from the emotions he was feeling. The air he exhaled turned frosty and cold, visible in the air. I could tell this wasn't going to be easy for him. Nevertheless, he continued. "I'm sorry for everything. For my terrible behavior over the past few weeks, and especially for my inexcusable behavior at the dance. I never imagined I could act that way and I never wanted to hurt you. And yet, I did. For that, I apologize from the bottom of my heart." He looked back at me, frowning. "I am sorry for all the times I have made you feel uncomfortable, annoyed, or not treated you like the precious person you deserve to be treated as." 

His eyes were full of remorse and sadness, his eyebrows upturned as he looked at me and continued his speech. "You truly are precious, Daniela. From the glorious moment I first met you, I knew that you were special. Then when I heard your angelic voice, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I've never heard any sound so sweet and breathtaking as your voice." He smiled through the sadness. "You were so kind from the minute you met me. You didn't ignore my problems or the tragedies I was dealing with at the time. You listened to me, and you really comforted me." His face turned serious. "That's why I love you." I felt a pang in my heart as he said those five words.  

"For once in my life, I couldn't control my emotions. I am so used to holding my feelings deep down inside and never letting them show. I never wanted to a burden to those around me. But, with you, I just lost control." He stepped a bit closer to me, but still keeping his distance. He looked up at me, his eyes filling with tears. "I have never felt the way about a person that I do about you. Suddenly, nothing but you mattered to me. You were my whole life, Daniela." He shuddered, a tear sliding down his cheek. "And for that, I am sorry. I never wanted to place that much pressure on you when I confessed, but I couldn't hold it in. I needed you to know how I felt; how much I loved you, how much I depended on you, how much I needed you. But that was unfair, and I must have brought you so much distress and pain. For that, I will always feel guilty, and I'll never forgive myself." He looked at me. "I was blinded by my feelings for you. I thought that if you were with me, I could make you happy."

He wiped the tears from his eyes. "But today, when I saw you performing with Lucio, I knew in my heart that's where you belong. You belong with him. I see that you are truly happy with him." He looked at me, emitting a sound that was a mixture of a sob and a chuckle. "I could never make you that happy." I frowned at him, feeling tears well up in my eyes. He smiled at me through all the pain. "That's all I desire, for you to be happy. If that means you're happy with Lucio instead of me, then that's what I will support." Another tear slid down his cheek. "I just want you to be happy, Daniela. I'm so sorry." He apologized for the millionth time that day. He looked at me with tears streaming down his face. "If I can't be in your life as your lover, then I hope I can be in it as your friend. But if you don't want that either, I understand. Just know that I am always here for you, whenever you need me." He smiled. "Because I love you." 

I looked at this pitiful, amazing man that stood in tears in front of me, telling me of his love for me. This moved me so much more than his confession that day in the theatre ever could. Now, I one hundred percent believed that he loved me. He loved me enough to let me go, even though it would be painful for him. He would support Lucio and I's love and he would continue to be our friend, because he just wanted me to be happy. A mixture of relief and sadness washed over me as I took in all his words. Without warning, a tear slid down my cheek. Amedeo noticed, frowning immediately. "Daniela?" He said my name in a whisper, concerned. I just continued staring up at him. Out of everyone, I felt for Amedeo the most. He seemed genuinely in love with me, and I was so sad that I had to turn him down. I turned to look at Lucio, who was staring at us worriedly from the bench. In my heart, I knew I belonged with him and that he was the one I loved, but it didn't make turning Amedeo down any easier.