Press. Release. Wait.

A Ride, a Winter Walk, and a Thought

It was beginning to snow. It had snowed a few times so far this winter but it hadn't really stuck yet. It was supposed to snow all night and into the morning. It was definitely going to stick this time.

I waited nervously at the corner of Hancock Street. Right where we said we would meet. The clock ticked to 7pm. I still waited. I wasn't usually on time so I really didn't expect him to be. This time was a little different though. I had woken up at 4am and hadn't been able to get back to sleep.

I watched the buildings slowly brighten in the sun as I lay in bed. When it was bright enough I got up and began to walk around my apartment. I can't recall what I did for most of the day. I just waited.

I was going to use the train today.

It had been his idea. It had been a long time. So I took it.

It was... uneventful. I breathed a sigh of relief the moment I stepped in. It was a different train than the last one. A completely different train.

And now I stood at the corner. Waiting... Again... All I did today was wait.

What a waste of time.

"Hey!"

He called before I saw him.

"Hey, Rob," I called back, walking quickly towards him. I smiled.

"How'd it go?"

"It was nothing. It was really nothing. I guess I was really making a big deal about nothing."

I had spent three days buried underground. Maybe a little less. They told me but I couldn't remember the exact number of hours.

There was a lot more time in the hospital. Maybe a week and a half. Slowly things started coming back to me. Memories of the days that I never thought were there. I never forgot the other memories. The... stranger ones. They stuck with me. I remembered both. As if they happened simultaneously.

In this reality I had survived in a small pocket when the crash happened. I had been pushed up against the wall of the train with just a few feet of space to move around. The only thing I could see was the red light and the words. PRESS. RELEASE. WAIT. etched into the metal paneling.

I remembered calling out for help but no one coming. I remembered being alone. I remembered the dog. The dog that stayed by my side the entire time. I spent an eternity staring at that light. I remembered pressing it over and over again. I knew the electricity must still be working. That gave me hope. That gave me something to latch onto.

"That's awesome. You going to take the train back as well?" he asked.

I shrugged.

We began to walk through the light brush of snow that was now covering the ground. Our feet making markings that were immediately covered up by more snowflakes.

Rob seemed nice. I liked him. It had been a while since I started dating again. Maybe a year. It wasn't anything serious. We would hang out maybe once or twice a week. Go to dinner or go bowling or something. We really had only done bowling once but I had enjoyed it. We hadn't been back since.

We walked through the city. There weren't many people on the sidewalks but there were plenty of cars. We could hear them rumbles as they waited at a red light, the occasional beep of an angry driver, and the rustling wind as they drove forward.

"You're quiet today." He remarked.

I shrugged again.

"I'm just thinking about the train ride."

"You want to talk about it?"

I gave him a strange look.

"I... I don't know. I don't think I have any words right now." I answered.

We continued on in silence. After a few feet we stopped at an intersection. Cars rushed by in front of us. He slapped the walk button lazily and waited.

To our right was a park. A wooded forest lined our side of it. It was dark right now. The bright street lights couldn't penetrate the blackness. Through the trees I could see a single light blue light shining.

I knew that park. I had walked there quite a bit last year. Before I moved to be a little farther from the center of the city.

I looked up to Rob as he walked.

"I think," I began. He looked at me expectantly. "I think I'm having trouble coming to terms with how little that train ride meant to me."

"How so?"

"Well, I used to take the train every day. Every single day. It was just like that. It was nothing. And then when the accident happened it was like... Everything was different. Everything was changed. How can that go back to being normal?"

We had finished crossing at that point.

"I... I don't know."

"Well," I continued. "What if there was a world where the train crashed again? What if... What if there was a world where it happened again? What if there was world where I died in that crash? Is that normal?

"That's not normal."

"Is the world still normal, though?"

Rob didn't have an answer for that.

There was something really bugging me about those days I spent. Something about staring at that light. Something about pressing that button over and over again. Waiting for a response.

I can't recall if anyone answered.