Press. Release. Wait.

Nothing Else

I stared down at the ground as we continued.

"You know," Rob said. "I think it sucks right now. But I... think it was good for you, right? To realize it was nothing."

I still stared at the ground.

What if I hadn't gotten out? What if I had been there forever? What if I was still there?

...

Is that what happened to Adam?

I stopped suddenly.

"I... I have to go."

"Oh," Rob said, "I-I'm sorry."

"No. No it's okay. I- I forgot to feed Dog."

"He can wait."

Why would I tell such an obvious lie?

I stepped back, then turned around. I began to walk the opposite way. Rob followed me.

"Cheyenne, I'm sorry," Rob called after me. He rushed to my side.

"It's not your fault," I answered.

"It feels like it's my fault."

"It's not about you!"

I continued to walk, ignoring him rushing behind me. We were coming up to the intersection again. The cars rushed by. I had to wait. Rob caught up with me.

"I'll go with you, Cheyenne."

"I want to be alone."

The snow was coming down harder now. I put my hood up as I felt the snowflakes in my hair melt and drip down my back.

"I'm sorry, Cheyenne."

"STOP SAYING THAT!" I screamed at him. He reeled back. I took a deep breath. Then continued.

"I'm sorry. I just... I have to go."

The signal turned to walk and I crossed the street. I left Rob behind.

It never felt like it was over. When they found me I still felt like I was in the middle of it all. Adam was supposed to get out with me. We were supposed to get back together. We were supposed to live together and be together for the rest of our lives.

I knew I didn't believe that. I didn't believe a word of that. I broke up with him. It was done. It was over before the crash even happened.

You're spiraling. Chill out.

I stopped. I took a few deep breaths and looked up to the dark sky. The snowflakes were falling faster now. It looked like it was going to be a snowstorm.

I wasn't going to take the train. I didn't think I'd ever take the train again.

I had spent a year and a half thinking I was still in the middle of it. I was staring at that button and those words the entire time. I was waiting for someone to answer.

I'll just walk back.

It was probably five or six miles back but it was definitely preferable. Better than the alternative. I set out again, prepared for the long haul. I hiked up my hood and began to speedwalk through the city sidewalk.

It was 7:15 now. It had only been a few minutes but it felt like an eternity.

I thought about Dog. I bet he would be missing me. I wondered what it was like for him. Did he think his owner abandoned him? Did he think he was alone? Did he think he was alone right now? That maybe I'd never come back just like his previous owner.

I'm coming back. I swear to you I will come back to you every single time.

I abandoned Adam. Even before the crash had happened I had abandoned him.

The world around me was beginning to become picturesque. The snow falling onto the street. Even the cars had begun to die down. Rush hour was ending. Things were beginning to empty on the streets.

It was all empty. All black and white. Only flashes of orange and blue from the streetlights and passing cars.

I passed by houses. I was walking through a residential part. It was a rich area. I could see inside the houses, almost mansions at this point. Every one of them glowed with a warm light inside.

I was having trouble feeling anything right now. Having trouble with everything. I felt uncomfortable but there was nothing there. I felt like a seat or a rock or something was still jutting against my back. Like I couldn't move away from it. Still stuck.

The walk was beginning to get more difficult. My feet were wet. I hadn't prepared for this. I was still wearing sneakers and thin socks. They were soaked through. An inch of snow was already on the ground and it showed no signs of stopping. I carried on. I paid no attention to any of it. It was nothing right now. It was nothing.

As I approached my apartment I could see it was the only one that was dark. I felt bad for Dog. He was sitting in the dark. He was probably afraid.

I grabbed the keys to the front door and unlocked it. As I did I heard the tiny Yip! Yip! Yip! coming from the second floor.

I couldn't get the image of the button out of my head still. I was still there. I was sitting in front of the button I was there.

I opened the door to Dog jumping up and down in excitement. I flicked on the lights as he ran towards me.

I pet him gently as he crawled all over my lap.

"Hey buddy, glad to be back."

My mind was consumed by that light. In my head I could see flashes of blue and yellow streak across it, illuminating the lettering. Then darkness again.

I sat down at my desk, staring out the window to the darkness ahead of me. I squeezed my toes in my sneakers. They were soaked through. It would take a while to get them off. I knew they were cold. But I didn't really notice.

I grabbed a piece of paper. I put three dots at the top. Then five. Then six. Five. Three. I put the words. PRESS. RELEASE. WAIT. below that. Then the light. The light that glowed in my mind. I stared at the picture. There was nothing there. There was nothing new. It was nothing. It was just a picture. Nothing else.