Apricots - Ruel Van Dijk

Chapter 10 - You can't rely on me.

Ruel's POV

But no one gives a shit
About my life
Until I die

I kissed her. I kissed her. Fuck. I couldn't do this. My family finds out, she's dead. But she just looked so...euphoric. I couldn't stop myself. Ever since the second I first saw her I felt safe. But I couldn't do this to her. I couldn't let her fall for me, let my family find out and crush her dreams and aspirations. I had to leave.

But when I looked down at her, cheeks flushed red, hair slightly teased, brown eyes wide with absolute compassion, I realised how hard this was going to be. I wanted to press my lips against hers again, to lose my hands in her soft hair, to inhale more of her strawberry scent. But I couldn't put her in danger.

"Ruel, are you okay?" she said softly, bringing me back to reality. She looked more worried this time, her eyebrows mushed almost together. I knew what this look meant, somehow. She thought she'd done something wrong.

"I'm fine, it's just..." I trailed off, wondering if I should tell her. "You can't rely on me." The words rolled off my tongue before I could think about it. They felt so wrong to say. I hated that I had to leave her after how little time we had. But I was stupid to have thought I could've had a life outside of the castle. No matter where I went or who I met, I would be putting lives in danger. And the last thing I wanted to do was hurt people, especially people I loved. So it was best to go back to the castle and leave the people I met alone.

"What do you mean?" she asked, clearly confused. She was looking at me with those eyes. God I hated this. Why did I have to be a prince betrothed to the throne? I didn't want to 'rule' a country. I didn't want to have to sit fancy with a crown on my head for the rest of my life. All I wanted to do is kiss the girl in front of me until we were both out of breath, to shower her with so much love she half hates the sight of me. I'd only known her for a day, but I knew I loved her more than anything or anyone.

"I have to leave." I said it slowly, forcing the words out of my mouth. It pained me to say. I watched her face drop. "I'm so sorry," I whispered, reaching a hand to brush against her cheek. To my surprise, she shoved my hand away.

"No." she said simply, looking up at me. Her eyes were burning with fury. She was mad at me?  "No. You don't get to make me fall for you, kiss me and then leave." She said firmer, a frown forming on her face. Her shell was coming back. The rude snarkiness was back.

"I'm sorry I-" I started, trying to calm her down, but I soon realised that was not going to happen.

"No, I'm sorry," she seethed. "I'm sorry I thought you were different." she continued, eyes beginning to glass over with tears. "I'm sorry that I thought you wanted me, not my body. But clearly I was wrong. You took advantage of my body, and you don't want my personality so now you're going to leave." she retorted, angry tears starting to run down her face. She covered her face with her hands, tears falling all over her.

"What? No, Teliah let me explain-" I spluttered.

"No. There's nothing to explain. You wanted to leave, now leave." she gulped, clearing her throat in the middle of speaking.

Fuck no. This is not where I meant it to go. I didn't want her body, I mean I did, but that was part of the deal, I wanted her bubbly personality as much as I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to watch the stars with her, I wanted her to show me everywhere in London. I wished I could tell her why I was truly leaving, to prove that I wanted her. But based of what Maggie told me, I don't think it would've helped much. What was I supposed to say? 'Oh I'm actually leaving because I'm the prince of England and destined to be King, and I know you hate Royals but I wanted to keep you out of danger bye!'. There was clearly nothing to say.

So I didn't speak. I left. I left her sitting there, thinking I had used her for her body. I wish I hadn't. I wish I had held her close to me and explained everything. But I didn't. I left.

I walked a couple blocks before calling a driver. I didn't want them to find her.

I stood alone on the footpath, the sun peeking through the clouds in a brilliant mush of oranges and pinks. I didn't want to go back to what I had. I didn't want to go to fancy dinner parties all the time, I didn't want to do chores all day, I didn't want to become king, I didn't want to live day to day with the guilt that I let a girl believe I was using her for her body. But I had to. I didn't have a better option.

So when I saw the black limo pull up in front of me, I got in without hesitation. As soon as I sat down, the driver began hammering me with words.

"Your highness! I am so very glad to see you! Your family has been worried sick about you. Stella missed you dearly, as did your mother..." he blabbered. He went on, but I had tuned out by then. I was too tired, hurt and disappointed in myself to listen. All I could think of was that I was driving myself further and further away from the one person who I desperately needed to talk to, to see, to hold. Her gentle touch was so present in my mind I swore I could feel her hands in my hair.

I sighed and rested my elbow on the window, placing my head on my hands. I stared out the window at the city I would probably never see again. It made me sad. It was so wonderful and I'd never get to experience it properly. I guess if I ever did come back I had the best places in London to go to. I let a soft smile grace my face as I remembered Teliah jogging up that hill, my jacket flying behind her. I sighed once again, letting the thought escape my mind.

"Sir, are you alright?" the driver suddenly asked, catching my attention.

"Huh? Yeah I'm superb thank you," I muttered, a hint of sarcasm dancing in my tone. I certainly was not superb. The driver shut up after that, thankfully. So the whole way home was silent, memories of what could have been haunting my mind.

a/n

um idk what to say thank you for reading this far:)

this book will most likely be shorter than my previous ones but the last time i said that i lied so idk 🥱

i love youuu make sure to eat sleep drink water all that good stuff bub byeee

- Bri:)

Word Count: 1236