Apricots - Ruel Van Dijk

Chapter 21 - Circles

Teliah's POV

Holding onto pain it is not my way, way, way
Not my way, not my way, not my way
So why does all this pain seem to come my way?

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my cheeks a little bit pink. Ruel had given me some boxers of his, which sat very loosely on my hips, and over the top was the shirt he had been wearing, which smelt like the light peppermint he always smelled of. It was white and just solid coloured enough to get away with. It fell to my mid thigh, making it more of a dress than a t-shirt.

I hated the fact that just his clothes on my body made my heart race and my cheeks pink. I just wished that my heart would listen to my head. But it didn't. And because of that, I was marrying a guy I now knew I was falling for, despite how much I wished I wasn't, and how much I told myself I was going to get hurt again.

I don't even know what's wrong with me.

One thing I did know though was that I was not going to be the girl that sits in the bathroom for an hour contemplating what to say to a guy. So I clenched my fists, took a deep breath and opened the door to the room.

But holy fucking shit I wished I had decided to be that girl this time the second I saw Ruel.

Fuck.

Ruel was sitting on the bed. With no shirt. Before I could even tear my gaze off of him, my eyes wandered down to the creamy, smooth-looking skin of his chest. He was so simply perfect. I didn't think it was fair. Everything he said, everything he did, how he looked, it was all perfect. It almost made me forget that he had even left.

Almost.

I snapped my eyes back up to his face. I refused to admire him, I refused to admire someone who was so horrible, so I only allowed myself to gaze into his eyes.

He had not lifted his head to look at me, but his eyes were staring right at me. His hair was damp, hanging messily over his face, and his eyes were a swampy green. He looked at me darkly, his eyes trailing up and down my body. I immediately felt insecure, wrapping my arms around myself and turning my head away from his gaze.

"I guess we should go to bed then?" he mumbled.

"Sure," I replied quietly, still avoiding his eyes. I made my way to the bed, looking at my feet the whole time. I got under the covers, scooted my body as close to the edge as I could and faced the wall.

I had to create the distance. I couldn't be close to him, not when my heart was so unpredictable.

I felt the bed slightly dip under his weight as he slid into bed beside me. My heart longed to be closer to him, it longed for his arms to wrap around me, and his hands to play with my hair as I fell asleep. I so badly wished I was someone good enough to be more than a toy to him, better than someone he got roped into marrying. I just wished that I was someone who was perfect enough for him to love instead of use.

It was only when I laid in that bed with the covers up to my chin when I realised how fucking cold it was in that room. The bitter cold bit at my bare arms, giving me goosebumps under the covers. And I tried to go to sleep, to forget about it, but it was simply too cold. I couldn't go to sleep like this. But I wasn't about to ask Ruel.

"Teliah, you're shivering," he rasped from behind me. I realised that I indeed was. My body was shaking and pale from the cold room. "Fuck this shit," I heard him mumble and in no less than two seconds, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and pull me further towards the middle of the bed. He somehow managed to roll me gently over and pull me into his chest. My knees were to my chest and his arms went around my waist, pulling my body into him. I felt so small and weak compared to his broad chest and seemingly strong arms.

I would have protested, but I was so cold I couldn't speak. And his skin was so warm against mine, I didn't want him to let go of me.

"Fucking hell you're freezing, why didn't you say something?" he muffled into my hair. I kept my head buried in the smooth skin of his chest, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Y-you don't n-n-need to-to worry ab-bout me," I stuttered, my jaw still trembling from the cold. I was freezing, but stubborn. I really did not like needing him. I didn't want him to worry about me. I didn't want to need his help.

"Hey, look at me," he said gently. I hesitated for a moment, before reluctantly looking up to meet his eyes. His hair was damp, framing his brilliantly green-looking eyes. His eyes were shiny in worry, which made me want to bury my face back into his chest and pretend I wasn't there. But there was this eerie force and feeling inside me that made it so I simply couldn't look away. I was stuck between the crystal green irises. "Of course I'm going to worry about you. I care about you, just like how you care about what happens to me. So if something bothers you, you have to tell me so I can help fix it."

I just stared at him, utterly confused and surprised by his words. He cared about me. I'd just assumed he didn't considering the fact he'd left me. I hated it. He was just so perfect in everything he did and said, except for the fact he'd left.

"Ruel?" I croaked before I could even think about what I was doing.

"Hmm?" he hummed in response, lazily pulling my cold body closer to him. And even though I could pull away now, I found myself not wanting to. I didn't really care about the reason why at this point, and I ignored the nagging voice at the back of my head telling me to move. I just wanted to lay here, in his warm arms without a worry.

"Thank you..." I mumbled, losing my train of thought as his thumb started to trace small circles on the bare skin of my hip. I felt so relaxed and calm in his grasp, and the way his fingertips were softly tickling my skin made me melt. Despite how wrong I knew it was, I loved every second of this.

"I'll always take care of you T, you don't have to thank me," he said softly, as his gentle touch and the rhythmic beat of his heart lulled me into slumber.

A/N
ok ngl i kinda loved writing this-

be nice to yourself pls ily<3