Apricots - Ruel Van Dijk

Chapter 19 - Its not as if we're in love

Teliah's POV


If I try again, I know I'd run
Dropping the words through the back of my tongue
Poisonous is what I've become
I'd try again, but I don't have the courage (courage)

"I will marry you," the words came tumbling out of my mouth. I didn't even know what I was agreeing to. I'd have to spend the whole of my life with this man. With the one who'd left me, who had led me on. But for some reason I just couldn't bare the idea of him marrying someone else, let alone someone horrible. Even if that meant I'd have to spend the rest of my existence on earth with him.

I looked up at his face, his hair shielding his eyes. From the small peek I could see of his eyes, they were wide with emotion. He looked surprised, his oddly red lips slighty parted, his eyebrows raised. But his eyes were shiny with gratitude, which strangely enough made me feel like this whole thing was going to be worth it.

I cursed myself once again. No matter how hard I tried, as soon as I was around him, I couldn't possibly hate him. I couldn't even say I didn't want to see him again for fucks sakes. But I just couldn't help it. His presence was like a spell, diminishing every single piece of hatred I'd ever had for him and turning it into...something I couldn't quite describe.

"A-are you sure?" he stuttered, obviously still in shock. To be honest, since I had met him I hadn't been sure of anything at all. It was like my head was somewhere else. But I had an odd feeling of certainty about this.

"I'm sure," I said softly, continuing to gaze at him. I had a strange urge to touch him, to feel his skin, warm from the late afternoon sun. I wanted to cup his delicate face with my hands, to feel his long eyelashes gently flutter against my fingertips. What the fuck are you thinking? I snapped myself out of my head, stepping back. "B-but it has to be pretend. It's not as if we're in love," I assured mainly myself, but it didn't really do what I thought it would.

It's not as if we're in love.

I watched as his shocked expression quickly turned into hurt, and my stomach dropped. I knew I shouldn't have, but I felt horrible for saying that.

"Right, yeah of course," he mumbled in response, looking awkwardly toward his feet. I found myself wishing it had been different, as if we were in love. I wished I'd been a princess with pearls and flowers and jewellery to offer him, and that he'd like me and see me as more than just some street girl to play with. That we could've had a proper chance, that I'd been worth him taking a chance on me. But in the end I was just a poor girl off the streets of London that he didn't want. "We should go to dinner."

He turned and began to walk out the oak doors without waiting a moment for me to follow. Fuck. I'd definitely hurt him. I attempted to run after him, but with the length of the dress and the stupid heels, I ended up falling right onto his back, earning me a mouthful of his suit jacket.

To my surprise he immediately spun around, throwing his arms around me to stop me from falling on floor. His hands were rested on the small of my back, mine resting on his chest, which was surprisingly...hard. I could feel the rhythmic beat of his heart under my hands and the warmth of his skin all the way around me; it was utterly enchanting. I looked up and immediately forgot about any hatred I had for him.  I never really understood poetry until I saw his face in this moment. His eyes were a bright green, shadowed from the light by his hair, his cheeks were a blissful shade of pink, and his lips their usual odd reddish pink. I had never written a poem, but I felt like I could've written lines and lines, for hours and hours just about the way he was staring at me, about the way his arms felt around me. I was so painfully aware of where every part of his body was touching mine, I swore I could feel the warmth of every cell, every molecule of his skin on mine. And it was the most comforting and stimulating thing I had ever fucking experienced. I was so jittery being this close to him but so relaxed in his grasp in the same instance. It was so perfect and warm and-

"You guys might want to hurry up or you'll keep mother waiting," a voice I recognised as Stella's snickered from beside us. I immediately jumped, taking my hands off his chest as Ruel broke his from their place on my back. I turned to face Stella, who just smiled a toothy, sarcastic smile and walked away.

We followed close behind her quietly for a couple seconds before I felt Ruel's warm hand slide into mine. My initial reaction was to jerk my hand away, but he looked at me and motioned to Stella ahead of us, mouthing we have to act like a couple. I sighed and nodded, tightening my grasp around his hand. I couldn't help but think of how big his hands were compared to mine, how perfectly my hand fit between his fingers. I knew he was just acting, we were just acting, pretending, and that I was just making this up, but I couldn't help my wandering mind.

And we kept that way, hand in hand, strangely comfortable despite the awkwardness still hanging in the air, before we reached a huge pair of doors to which I assumed to be the dining room.

Time to meet the queen.

A/N

heyyyy just wanted to say idk what the next few weeks are gonna look like with updates bc i'm going on antidepressants tmrw and they're supposed to have weird ass side effects so yeah expect a weird update schedule:))

LOVE YOU BEAUTIFUL HUMANS YOU MATTER AND YOU MAKE THE WORLD BETTER BY BEING HERE

- Bri <3