there is no day Liz fears more than the one when she loses people she loves the most. whether to death, going away, or moving on all of this will result in the same searing anguish in the chest, begging them to return, only to embrace them one more time.
but what should one do when they aren't precisely gone, but they aren't completely there either? you can hold them in your arms late at night as you drift off to sleep, but by the time the sunlight stings your eyes, they've vanished without a farewell.
Liz was in the same situation.
this tremendous emotion that stayed in her chest while she waited for the front door to open late at night. for Rei to return home and ultimately face the realization that nothing was the same anymore
it was the most terrifying sensation in the world.
when she looks at the person she loves the most, they appear precisely like the person she fell for, and when words stream from their mouth, it's nearly enough to fool her into thinking everything is alright. however, the illusion gradually disappears and she is left with shaking hands grasping for dear life.
she was different. she'd been there for a few months. she wasn't the same doe-eyed girl who looked at her as if she were the only thing in the world. who liked to clasp their hands whenever she could who would travel miles through thorny fields only to give her a hug
she'd return home and, with a frigid kiss on her cheek, she'd go right past them and into bed without saying goodnight. without holding her and making certain that nothing could get to her. just resting with her back to her in quiet, only to wake up and depart, only to repeat the process.
a key being inserted into the keyhole could be heard from the other side of the door. only for the door to reopen a split second later.
Liz was sitting there draped in a huge quilt, and Rei nearly didn't notice. but she rose up and smiled nervously as she welcomed her. "hey, Jagi, are you hungry? i could cook you something."
her gaze wandered to the left as she shook her head. she dropped her bag at the front door before making her way rapidly to the bedroom. but she didn't make it because a gentle hand curled around her wrist.
in the low lighting of their home, she turned around, her black gaze soul-stirring. her look was frigid and hard, as if it were attempting to peel back the flesh on her face. "what."
it wasn't really a question, but more a demand for her to explain herself. It was enough to make her want to go back to acting as if nothing was wrong and living with this icy breath down her spine.
"what's up with you?" she inquired, only to be met with thirty seconds of the same frigid glare. "Rei, it's almost as if you don't want to be here, and I don't want you to feel obligated to remain; I'd rather you be honest with me."
her continued stillness was louder than her words had been for months. the creepy mood it produced was what eventually cracked the thin ice they had been dancing on, trying not to break. as in a horror film, right before a thing jumped out
only this time there would be no creature. there was only her and them, and the agonizing chasm that had formed between them. the sensation of ice cold claws piercing into their feet made them both want to flee, but they had no idea how to get their legs moving. it was tempting to wish that some hideous creature would simply appear from a dark corner and devour them both.
It seems like dying was easier than escaping. It seemed simpler to die than to figure out how to solve these difficulties, or to face their anxieties.
it took everything she had to get the strength to speak again as her eyes burnt holes in her mind. "Rei, you're not yourself anymore; it's as if you've become someone else. what's wrong?"
her shoulders raised gently before falling. her expression softened, and instead of fleeing, she walked to sit on the couch. "I believe we ought to take a break."
"a break? or a breakup?" she said, her eyes glistening from the tears trying to escape. She was too afraid to let tears fall, so she let them sting her eyes and impair her vision.
Rei fumbled with her hands, unable to bear looking at her. "i'm not sure."
"what do you mean you don't know?!" she yelled, which was unusual for her. Liz had always been the quiet partner who could keep her cool. she never raised her voice, she never became confrontational, it was almost as if she never got angry- even if she did, it was simply in a different way.
it caught Rei off guard. all she could do at this point was glance up from her hands and look at her with a confused expression. when she eventually drew herself away from her own presence, she observed Liz's hands trembling uncontrollably. her eyes were inflamed from the stinging tears she was holding back. as she waited for the worst to be done, her jaw clamped and rigid.
instead of getting up to console her, she merely returned her gaze to her hands. "we should break up," she said in a weak voice, holding her breath.
nothing frightened her more than the thought of losing someone she cared about. when the light disappears from her eyes, her voice fades, and she is no longer able to hold her. what makes things worse is that she knows she's someplace in the world, but she can't call her hers.
she slept with someone else, she loves them more than she loves her, and she moves on.
it shatters her into pieces, making her hard to reassemble. so no one can come along and mend her; Liz only lives as glass, shredding their feet just like she was destroyed.
i apologize for not being able to make a part 3 of maybe, maybe i like her. I promise to make one soon, and I wish dives and ive a happy new year!
