❝how do you kill a monster without becoming one?❞
In the last city ruled by man, fish soar in the skies above and monsters lurk in the alleys below. Ten years ago, Jase lost both his legs and his mother to one such monster. However, tragedy couldn't...
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The difference between night and day was rather drastic.
During the day things were fine. Emagīne was going to be safe where she was. The woman was trustworthy. She had sworn to keep Emagīne safe but Chimeras weren't bound by their word. That fact weighed heavily on Kova's chest as he lay in bed that night.
What difference would it have made if he had turned right instead of left? Had he made a mistake? Was a Chimera capable of raising a pureblood? Had he made a mistake? Should he have asked Emagīne what she thought? Had he made a mistake, had he made a mistake, had he made a mistake? The voices were screeching in his ears, calling him names.
Worthless, worthless, worthless. Couldn't even make one decision right. Worthless Smile. Worthless person. Couldn't do anything right. Worthless, worthless, worthless.
How many times had this happened before? Kova had lost count. It felt like he was constantly fighting so hard to hold onto so little. His hands were trembling as he stood. Sabiya. He should find Sabiya - no. She was with Jase tonight. No Sabiya. Sisters? No, no, no. He couldn't bother them. Red. Find Red. She would comfort him, right? She loved him, right? That's what she always said. Unless she was lying? No, no, no.
He picked up his Chip and pacing the room typed in her contact information. He couldn't keep it saved - his sisters checked his Chip. So he had memorized it. The Chip rang and it rang and it rang and then- nothing. There was no climax, no nothing, just a friendly AI informing him that the contact he dialed no longer existed. So he dialed it again and then again. He scrutinized his own fingers for mistakes but... there was none. Just an AI and a message for deaf ears.
Ah.
What should he do, what should he do, what should he do? Huraira? No, no, she was busy. And tired. From visiting her mother today. Mother? Fear, fear, fear. Panic? No no, no. Panicking only made it worse. He needed to, he needed to, he needed to... what did he need to do again? Dresser. Sock drawer. One time Kova had stuck a pair of socks in his underwear and pretended. It was nice to pretend. Until he got laughed at. He kept the razorblade in that pair of socks. He had told himself he didn't need it. He had told himself that it was there just in case.
He told himself he was over it. He told himself that if he wasn't the razor would at least give him something physical to cling to as his mind fell apart. He told himself he wouldn't need that physical pain anymore. He told himself that he would.
Kova didn't want to go back. He didn't want to, he didn't want to, he didn't want to. But just as Jase was addicted to feeling numb, Kova was addicted to the feeling of his skin splitting open, bright red spilling from his veins like rose petals. The scent of roses pulled him back into reality just for a moment as he stared at the flower crown, kept eternally in full bloom by his life drip, drip, dripping away on his desk.
There were so many people out there who cared about him. Right? So many people who loved him. Maybe? So many people who would be sad to see him hurting himself again. Please, please, please? Fanaka would be so disappointed. Yes. Yes, that was true. She had worked so hard to keep him from his bad habits that began in Cyn-Rae, tearing open his skin with nails he pried from the walls.
