UNPLANNED

Part 16

Three weeks in, your mom headed back to Santa Paula and promised she was only a phone call away. It didn't feel impossible, but sometimes you'd wonder if you were doing it right. Did Jane even like you? Were you messing her up without even knowing it? How did you bond with the tiny baby who seemed to be soothed by your smell or your touch when sometimes all you wanted was a second alone?

Tonight would likely be your first opportunity. You were more excited than you were nervous, desperate for space that seemed more fleeting which each day. But did feeling overwhelmed by your baby make you a bad mom?

Once again, too afraid to know the answer, so you avoided asking the question altogether. Glenne showed up with a smile on her face, but Jeff seemed more nervous.

"You'll be fine," Harry reassured him with a clap on the back when Glenne took Jane in her arms. "Just don't leave her alone for a second and make sure she has six ounces of formula, probably around six."

"And have her home no later than eight, okay? Otherwise it'll mess up the whole night."

"You've both got plans, right?" Glenne smiled and looked at you both, brushed over your requests as she held Jane close to her chest. She settled into the role of aunt quite easily any time she had the chance.

"Yeah," you both said it at the same time. You hoped he actually did, maybe he'd drive off to see a friend or grab dinner with someone in Santa Monica. You'd shower and read a book, do anything for a few seconds without anyone else in the house.

"Good," Jeff said. "You both deserve a night off–some fun."

"And ours is next week," Glenne reminded. "That new wine bar downtown, right?"

"Right," you agreed. Lexi had been talking about it for weeks. They were both eager to get you a bit drunk now that you were finally free from the confines of growing a child.

You promised you'd figure out the details later, watched through the window as Jeff snapped the carseat into place. Glenne climbed into the back, the car backed out of the driveway and Harry apparently didn't seem to care at all that your daughter was now in the backseat of someone else's car and moving farther and farther away from you with every second.

He threw a handful of chex mix into his mouth and watched you for a second, "y'alright?"

"Yeah," you turned around and nodded. "Fine."

"What are you doing tonight?"

You licked your lips, looked around the room. "Maybe going to Lexi's."

"Do you actually have plans?"

"Yeah," you pulled your head away from him as if the question was offensive. "Do you?"

"No," he laughed. "But I thought if I said that then Glenne and Jeff would never leave."

"You don't have plans?"

He shook his head, tossed another handful of chex mix in and chewed.

"I don't either."

"You don't?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Cause I've had a baby on my boob for the last two weeks. I wanted a second alone."

"Oh," his face fell at that. "I–I can go somewhere."

"No, it's your house, I don't–it's fine."

"It's your house too," he said this quietly, almost like he was worried about whatever reaction you might have.

"It's fine. I might just hang out in my room, though."