UNPLANNED

extra: jane on tour

Jane was laid on the floor, her feet kicked playfully at the shiny toys that hung overhead while you packed. You ignored the voice that told you this was a risky idea, challenged the fear like Cassie had encouraged and focused mostly on the fact that this was like a vacation–sort of.

"Do you know where my grey shirt is?" Harry's head popped out from the closet in the master bedroom, your bedroom, but you shrugged your shoulders.

"Believe it or not I don't keep track of your clothes."

He rolled his eyes and disappeared back into the closet. Jane let out a laugh on the floor when the Baby Mozart song playing from your phone started over.

"Please change it," Harry begged, distress written all over his face. "I can't do it again."

"This is the worst one by far," you agreed. "But of course it's her favorite."

Harry came over to Jane on the ground and looked at her with a smile. "Daddy loves you," he smiled sweetly. "But you have shit taste in music so far."

You let out a laugh, thankful she couldn't understand him. "She likes your music, so..."

"Not that–you have good taste there, Janey."

He headed back towards the closet when you folded a pair of jeans and put them in the suitcase in front of you. "Speaking of–did Jeff manage to find those headphones online?"

"Yep!" He called out. "Should be here tomorrow I think."

Thank God. The agreement was that if Jane was supposed to be on the road or in the audience, she needed headphones that could protect her tiny baby ears. Dr. Ramierez insisted and you did too.

You were quiet now, trying to ignore the same song on your phone when Jane wriggled on her play mat. After a few seconds, Harry came out again and sat on the edge of the bed as he folded a shirt.

"You sure you're okay with not going back to work right now?"

You looked up at him, pushed your lips to the side in thought. "Yeah–I mean, I probably won't last as a stay at home mom forever, but, I do appreciate your willingness to help financially."

He laughed at your words. It took him two long weeks to convince you to quit. The thought had already been in your mind, swirling around but never actually being spoken until he took you out to dinner one night and made the proposition. Quit your job, come on tour with me, be a family.

It took you a few days to make up your mind. A phone call with your mom and dinner with Glenne and Lexi before you were convinced that it wasn't crazy and you weren't stupid. You had a daughter, you had a boyfriend now, the three of you were trying to have as normal of an experience as you could, despite everything that made that difficult.

You figured heading back to work in the summer while trying to fly out to see him and raise a newborn wouldn't be the easiest. What felt like a logical decision was to quit your job with no notice, abandon the life in LA that you knew and pack up and hit the road with a guy you didn't even know for a whole two years. You sounded like a lunatic, and apparently that's what love did to you.

Most of your therapy sessions were now spent unpacking why on Earth planning things out had once provided you so much comfort and security. Somehow you'd done a full 180 and threw caution to the wind.

You looked back up at Harry now. He sat on the bed, a pair of socks in his hands, lips in a firm line like he was worried you'd change your mind.

"I'm sure–I can always go back later. You know, when she's old enough for daycare or school or something."