mistletoe kiss | james potter

26 | the fight

I WAS LOST WITHIN THE DARKNESS BUT THEN I FOUND YOU

Lorelei had crawled out of bed as late as she could. Pulling on whatever was closest and not caring whether she matched or not. She didn't need a mirror to know she looked like absolute shit.

The walk from the astronomy tower to her bed was the longest one of her life. It took an hour to gain the strength to move her limbs from their curled-up position and into a standing one. When she finally made it to her dorm, the lights were off and all she could hear were Marlene's soft snores. The white noise didn't help her sleep, in fact, she didn't sleep at all that night.

She hid under her covers as all her roommates got ready for the day, muttering to leave her alone when they tried to wake her up. She pretended she couldn't hear her sister which wasn't totally a lie. She honestly couldn't hear much of anything past her own thoughts and his voice on repeat.

I want to kiss you.

His hand, on her waist as it grazed her skin.

A do-over.

The smile, falling from his lips like blood.

I want to kiss you.

Her classes went by faster than ever, but only because she was dreading what she had to do. The universe knew what she'd done and was punishing her, or at least that's what it felt like. Not that it needed to, she was doing that just fine on her own.

Nathan waited outside her last class. The smile on his face and his adorable messy blonde hair were like a punch to the gut.

"Hey, how was your class?" Nathan reached to grab her bag, but it did nothing to lift the weight from her shoulders.

"Quick, but um can we can go somewhere to talk?" Lorelei knew it was over with the look on his face. What had given her away? Was it her voice? The words?

She couldn't do this.

It seemed he knew, there was no way he didn't know.  There was no going back.

"Of course, what's wrong?"

Lorelei didn't reply, only walked to a secluded area of the castle as fast as she could without looking crazy. With his long strides, Nathan was at her side in a moment. Her bag was on the floor even faster as he spun her around to face him.

"What's wrong, love?" She wished he hadn't used that nickname.

The tears fell so fast that all Nathan could do was pull her into his chest and hold on tight. He rubbed gentle circles on her back which, Lorelei decided, were only making it worse.

"Hey, you can tell me?" He pulled back, hands holding her upper arms to look at her. "Do I need to beat someone up? As boyfriend, I think that falls within my jurisdiction."

On any other occasion, the joke would have made her smile.

"Listen—I can't be that for you, Nate. Your girlfriend. I want to, but I—part of me doesn't belong to myself anymore. I thought my heart was free to give, but it's not. I never even realized it until just last night."

Nathan stepped back, his hands finding their place on his hips. A knowing look on his face as he let out a humorless laugh. "It's him, isn't it? It's James."

Of course, he knew. No matter how much she wanted to pretend the opposite, everyone knew. Lorelei could only nod as the tears fell again. Nathan reached forward to brush them away with his thumb.

"Hey, no, no. It's ok," The humor had vanished from his face and instead was furrowed brows and caring eyes. A look that said he never wanted to see her cry like this again. A look she didn't deserve.