i struggle with addiction as if it isn't my enemy but greatest lover – angry, tremendously sorry, passionate to the bone. i beg at her feet, kiss her fiercly, braid her hair, fall asleep next to her in bed, from time to time with tears on my cheeks. she's a goddess in my eyes, has the mouth of a wolf. she chases me when she's desperate. she seems otherwordly on my worst trips.
bittersweetly, i adore her. when i'm alone i whisper "i adore, adore, adore you."
she answers "you're in pain"
and i whisper "yes, yes, much pain"
and then, she makes me feel terribly better.
when alone in sultry summer nights,
frozen in pitch-black snow storms
i caress her with "i love you".
i see why this can be distressing to some, of course, facing the fact that there isn't a "her" but i, alone in my room, on drugs.
