STARLIGHT - mby x ksj

O4th: I will [TW]

TW: this chapter contains suicidal thoughts, and might make one uncomfortable because of the way the character thinks. this is PURE IMAGINATION and has nothing to do with the reality. feel free to skip it if you'd like, thank you.

never thought that that day would come,

and you'd actually hurt me.

we were very happy together, i truly trusted and loved you dearly. that's why we got married.

i never really expected that you'd drastically change after the wedding, though.

i never said something about all those times you were cold towards me, i thought we would manage and get back to how we were a few years ago. i thought at the end, we would find a way that is the best for us.

but i am human, i can only wait for so long. i knew we needed to sort things out by talking, i thought maybe you'd come to me first- but you didn't really seem bothered by it. then i thought, i must be selfish to expect it from you. but evertime i tried talking to you, why would you brush it off?

when you were coming home late, wasted...

i helped you even though you kept trying to blurt out different female names.

i never got to ask you who they were, and i even if i did, i don't think you would tell the truth. would you?

one day, i sat down to think. if i actually made you get sick of me, then i don't think there is any other person on this planet that could possibly tolerate me anymore. the knife, i knew that it was almost like it was made for my hand. it fit perfectly. i was already decided to just let it cut through my skin someday, but i knew this wasn't the right time.

while in deep thoughts, i heard the doorbell i was waiting for.

i went to the door to open and expect Namjoon holding your wasted body come in, but instead it was your mother right there.

"omo- hello Byulyi!" she gave me a warm hug after cheerfully greeting me like how she always does.

though, there was something about seeing her like that break me even more.

"where's Jinnie? have you guys eaten dinner yet?" i somehow wasn't sure how to reply.

"o-oh, uh.. Jin... was very busy at the company today. he is going to stay in Namjoonies flat tonight."

why did i feel the need to protect him, as if he's still worth it?

even though what i said wasn't as truthful as i wished, i could see the disappointment in his mothers eyes.

i couldn't help but wonder how disappointed she would be if she actually knew the truth.

"ah, really? i brought some food so that we could eat together as three, but i guess only the two of us will enjoy the dinner tonight." then she smiled genuinely, i never had any problems with his mother before. i could only feel sad that i didn't get to smile back to her as genuinely.

trying to ignore the tiredness was hard.

she walked to the kitchen as she was already familiar with our house. though i saw that she paused when she moved further inside, "Byulie, what's this knife doing on the counter?"

just realizing that i forgot it on there, i slowly walked next to the counter to put it back inside the kitchen drawer.

"I must've forgotten it there probably." i was late to realize my voice was sounding very dull, dull enough to have his mother looking directly into my eyes for a good moment.

after averting my eyes, i walked over the table to set it up and put the newly cooked food she brought.

how sad, i thought. how sad it was for this much of an angelic woman to have him as her son.