"He was my world but I was never his."

Chapter 1

He was standing outside all alone with his uniform in the freezing cold. The uniform should keep him warm but his body was shaking when looking closely to him. He turned a little to the left and I finally saw his face after half an hour staring at him. I could easily see the worry in his eyes. I knew him long enough to know what he feels or what he thinks and I was worried about him. He was the only one I worry about.

He finally came inside but didn't said a word. He didn't wanted to talk. Not to me. I wasn't suprised though. I don't blame him. Never did. He has a lot of responsibility but it annoys me that he doesn't share the weight of them with me. I was always there to help him. Why won't he let me help him. Maybe he still doesn't trust me because I'm a 'Hīragi'. Can't blame him again. But it's still upseting after a long time. Maybe thats what I deserve.

It was getting late and we still didn't talked. Talked about anything. About the mission or... us. Was there even a 'us'? Did i done something wrong without knowing? He really drives me crazy!

I went outside in to the darkness. The weather was obviously a lot of colder at nights. I was freezing but I didn't care. Why should I? Who even cared about me? I sat on a rock and looked up to the sky. Old memories came back, where I sat with Guren under the stars and the full moon. But it was memories. The past. All in the past. Now I was sitting here all alone. All by myself.

My whole body started to shaking and I started to feel dizzy. Maybe I would froze to death here and all the pain I feel right now will dissapear. I slipped off the stone and layed my head back feeling nothing except the cold of the stone and my burning blood going through my veins. I was ready to die. I looked for the last time to the sky and my eyes started to close slowly.

I felt warmth. Someone was shouthing at me. He carried me inside. I knew that voice. I opened slightly my eyes turned my head to him and touched his cheek with my cold hand. His warmth. His soft skin. I just felt him and nothing else. He looked worried but more than before. His purple eyes were the last thing i saw. before I fell asleep.

I woke up in a bed and it was already 5am. The moment I wanted to stand up, I saw guren sleeping on the couch. It was the first time I saw him sleep that deep. I was actually suprised seeing him here.

Once i opened the door he woke up. I actually had no nerve to look at his face. On the other hand I was emberrased. What I did was really childish. While he was coming to me I looked down. He touched my right shoulder with his left hand.

"Don't do that again. I was worried. Don't you dare to think that I don't care about you again." he said in a gently voice. And then he left.

He didn't looked at me and i didn't looked at him. When did we got so cold? So cold like the weather outside. Was it the mission? Or me?