Tonight Only {Cliff Burton}

A New Hope

FIVE WEEKS LATER

I leaned over the toilet and threw my guts up. I had been doing this every morning for the last week. 

I flushed the toilet and washed my hands, looking at myself in the mirror. I didn't look too good. My midsection had always been slim, but I noticed that I'd gained weight.

I had a sneaking suspicion that I was pregnant. Everything was pointing in that direction; I'd missed my period by two weeks, and I hadn't used a condom on that night when me and Cliff had sex. 

I put on some make up, black jeans, and a black sweater. Suddenly, I got really stressed out, and I started running around the house frantically, searching for my keys and my purse. That was another thing I noticed; I'd been way more irritable and stressed. But I figured that part of it might've been Cliff's death. 

When I finally found my keys and purse, I put on my shoes and got in the car. I slammed on the gas and sped to the drugstore. I had to know if I was pregnant. I had to fucking know.

I felt lost in the store, even though it wasn't that big of a store. But I had felt lost since Cliff had died.

My stomach twisted as I picked up a pregnancy test. If I was pregnant, Cliff would never get to meet his child. 

I tried not to think about it too much and went to the till. 

"Is that all you're buying, hun?" asked the cashier. She had orange hair, sunken in cheekbones, blue eyeshadow, and bright pink lipstick that hurt to look at.

"Yeah." I replied.

She looked for the barcode. "Does the father know?".

Does the father know? No, actually, the father was crushed to death by a bus, and he'll NEVER know. 

"Yeah." I lied, blinking back tears.

                                 ***

I stared down at the two lines on the test. I smiled, and I actually laughed. I laughed hysterically for a few moments, because I didn't quite know how to feel.

But then I started crying, because I was both happy and sad. Cliff would never get to meet his child, which was such a shame because I always thought that he'd make a great dad. He was really good with kids, and it wasn't long after we got together that I knew I'd someday want to start a family with him.

But this child I'd have in my life would be a new hope. He or she could be part of Cliff's legacy. I'd make sure they knew just how great Cliff was, and maybe I could even teach them how to play bass. 

Then an idea hit me. I grabbed some paper and a pen, sat down in the living room and began writing out a list of all the things I'd do to make sure this kid inside of me would be part of Cliff's legacy. 

I had written a couple of things down when I realized something. I was part of Cliff's legacy. He wanted me to replace him. It was at that moment that I decided I would stop hiding from the world, and I'd do it for Cliff.

I sprang to my feet and dashed over to the phone, punching in Kirk's number. I held the phone to my ear, hearing it ring once, twice, three times.

"Hello?" Kirk answered.

"Hey, Kirk. It's Sarah.".

"Oh, hey. How are you doing?".

"Good.".

"Good. You holding up alright?".

"Well," I sighed. "I'm... getting by. Uh, I have to ask you something.".

"Alright, go ahead.".

"So uh, I know it was a long time ago you offered this, but… I want to join the band.". I nervously twisted the phone cord around my finger.

"You do! Awesome, of course you can!".

"Oh my god, thank you so much!". I smiled so hard my cheekbones hurt. I cried tears of happiness, and it was the first time I'd felt true happiness since my last night with Cliff. 

"You don't have to audition, because all of us already know you kick ass.".

"Thank you so much, Kirk!" I practically screamed into the phone. Then something occurred to me. "Oh, there's something I have to tell you.".

"Yeah, go ahead, I'm listening." Kirk told me.

I felt my hands shaking, knowing this might be a dealbreaker for him. "I'm pregnant.".

The dead silence at the other end of the line scared me. I felt myself trembling and my heart beating fast, horrified that everything had come crashing down, horrified that Kirk would say no.

"Kirk?" I whispered into the phone, really hoping he wouldn't do that to me.