With Love...

the universe is against me

BELLE

The nerves I have before a show are typically manageable and I get over it by the time I greet the crowd. However, it's the first night of my tour. We're in Seattle and I'm performing at The Showbox. My mom told me she went here one time to see The Backstreet Boys perform. Dad was bored out of his mind. He hates pop music.

It's a sold-out show, which doesn't calm me down. However, for whatever reason, Haley seems to think that it will.

"It's a sold-out show!" she excites and I don't return it. I just want to throw up. "Get excited Belle."

"I would if I didn't feel like I had to vomit," I mutter.

Waving me off she continues, "Oh hush. You always get nervous before a show."

I roll my eyes at her and tan my armpits to keep me from sweating. I don't really think it works but I like to pretend that it does. Bailey walks in, munching on Fritos and looks at me up and down. She shakes her head and plops down in an armchair.

"I just think you need to breathe. I understand it's the first night of your tour, but you need to get it together if you're going out there," she scolds. "Everyone out there is there to see you, Belle. Get it together."

I nod in agreement with her. She's right. I wouldn't be nervous right now if it wasn't for all the amazing fans and people who sold out this show in the first place. I need to get it together so they can get what they paid for.

Its been a couple of months since my performance at the Grammy's. My label was surprisingly not mad. Haley was infuriated with me saying I'm changing my music genre. I told her that's not a terrible thing to do. All artists do it. She grunted and rolled her eyes at me. She's so melodramatic.

The label actually encouraged me to sing it on tour. It had more response than any of my songs ever. A video was posted on YouTube of it and it had the most positive feedback. Not that my other music had an overwhelming negative amount, but this had more feedback in general. I recorded the song and produced it immediately. The label then suggested that they should allow me to have sole control of the songwriting. I personally thought it was so much responsibility and that I needed to think about it.

Im performing it tonight. Second to last song. I can't help but keep wondering if he's heard it yet. If he thinks it's about him.

"Let's get to walking," Haley ushers me and Bailey out of the dressing room.

I take a deep breath as I'm walking. My hair is pulled tight and slighted back into a long tight ponytail. It feels like it's going to give me a headache if I wear it for any longer. My eye makeup feels heavy and too much for me. Don't even get me started on the disco ball that is plastered to my body. I don't feel like myself.

I don't feel like Annabella. Probably because right now I'm Belle. Belle Graves. Not Annabella Graveston. Although, I wish I was Annabella. Maybe she'd be more relaxed right now.

---

The show was a success. I didn't throw up, and I didn't mess up either. I didn't really think I would but you know that you can never be too sure about these kinds of things.

Bailey falls asleep as soon as we step foot onto the tour bus. She collapses onto her bed and snuggles up in a blanket. I sigh and move to the seating area where I curl up with my journal, hoping I don't get interrupted.

dearest reader,

I'm writing about Theodore.

Again.

I know, I know. We agreed last time that I would stop and let it go. Only I can't let Theodore go. He's my Theo. Well I guess he isn't mine anymore. He probably belongs to somebody else who loves him. I bet they go out in his truck with them to the fairs in town. I bet they met his mom. I bet she smiled that warm smile of hers and her tanned olive skin close them into a hug. I bet they're good for him.