Chapter one. Cliff jumping

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I wandered aimlessly through the dark forest. Tripping over every little thing. I didnt realise how deathly silent it had been until I heard footsteps in the distance. I froze. I was curious and afraid. I didnt know what to do. The sound got closer and closer. Louder and louder. Then the deathening silence came back. It was like that for a moment. Until a man suddenly appeared before me. The only thing I noticed, his red eyes.

I woke up to the sound of screaming. I was scared for a moment. Then I adjusted to being awake and remembered it was just my sister. She did this every night. Well not as much any more thanks to Jacob. But it still happened. I groaned waiting for her to stop so I could go back to sleep. When she stopped I laid there. Trying my hardest to fall asleep. Time alone with my thoughts. Something I hated. The red eyes crossed my mind. They reminded me of something. Someone. I couldn't remember who.

"Arabella!" Charlie yelled. I jolted up. Looking at the clock, 7:00 Am.
And yes i know Isabella and Arabella. Not very creative Renée and Charlie.
I got out of bed. After getting dressed I made my way to the kitchen. Its spring break. Why would he want me up this early. "What is it dad?" I asked rubbing my eyes and yawning.
"I've got a long day at work today and due to ... recent events i think it would be better if you were supervised."
Recent events? Oh yeah. Charlie had found my weed. He wasn't going to arrest me over it but i could tell he really wanted to.
He had confiscated it tho. Which really sucked hard. Weed puts me in a such a better mood. Well atleast he didn't find the ciggerates. They aren't illegal but... he would probably kill me anyway.
"Bella as her older sister i expect you to do it."
Bella looked mad. "But im going to la push today I have plans"
Charlie and Bella stared at each other until Bella gave in.
"Fine" Bella sighed "but we're leaving soon Belle so hurry up"
I just nodded. Going back to my room and putting on eyeliner. I was upset obviously. Me and Bella hadn't ever really gotten along. Not that we didnt like each other but we were just so different.But since Edward left, the pain I've seen Bella go through makes me think that maybe we're not so different after all. Depression and anxiety has been something I've dealt with for a long time. Its just me and Bella, we deal with it differently.
Anyway me and Bella in a car together sounded awful. Very very awkward. We are so bad at talking to each other.
The car ride as predicted was terrible.
Filled with uncomfortable silence. We made it to beach and walked along the sand to this drift wood tree looking thing and sat down. "Bella! Oh and belle!" Jacob yelled. Bella got up and hugged him. "Hi Jake" I replied. Getting up too. We walked and talked for a while. "So Jake, cliff diving?" Bella asked. "Oh yeah about that. I've sort of got to go and take care of this thing." They seemed to have a silent conversation and Bella let out an "oh" (this is when the werewolves were taking turns looking out for Victoria so thats what that's about)
"Well maybe next time" Bella said. "Sorry" Jacob said before running away. "What was that about" I asked. "Nothing that concerns you " Bella snapped back.
I rolled my eyes. It was silent for a moment while I thought. "Oh Bella! We should totally go cliff diving without him"
Bellas eyes went wide "I was just thinking that"
We got back into bellas truck and tried to figure out how to get to cliff.
"That looks like a way up" I pointed at a dirt trail. When we got further up the trail we realised that this was the road to the highest jumping point. But there was no room to make a u turn. "Are we sure we wanna jump from that high" I asked my sister.
" why not? Jakes friends did and they were fine" she said while parking.
We got out and stared down at the water.
"Why do you even wanna do this?" I asked Bella. Genuinely curious.
"I just like the rush I guess" she mumbled looking away from me.
"Why do you want to?" She whispered.
"I just" I sighed looking down at the water. Watching the waves get bigger. Watching the ocean get angrier. I looked up and realised the clouds were moving awfully fast. I felt a smile grow on my face. I couldn't have stopped it if I wanted to.
I looked back at her. " I just want to do something reckless"
I grinned as the words left my mouth and bella grinned back. I dont know why she did. But I know why I did. I know that there is a 60% chance that jumping off this cliff will be a death sentence for me. I can not swim at at all. And the storm thats forming at the moment is definitely not going to help with that. Bella will be fine. She can actually swim i think. I hope.I could feel it in the air. The pressure, the temperature, the wind. I breathed it all in. I felt so free.
I've been so depressed, so trapped all my life. Weighed down by anxiety and misery. I've always been out going. But not because I'm confident but because im scared. Because im anxious. I do it to fight it. I do it to break free. But its never enough. But finally this almost felt like enough. Not quite tho. But im sure this is the closest I'll ever get. I'm not doing this to kill myself but I'm not gonna try and fight it if it happens.
I looked at Bella and nodded. I jumped. And so did she.

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