Mommy Mina

Fly away

Tw / self harm , going to the ER for self harm 

Billies Pov

2 am 

I'm in the middle of a rather peaceful dream and i start to feel something tugging at my shirt . This started to slightly bring me out of my sleep but im still half asleep so I think it's a part of the dream until I hear Lavs voice calling for me . As soon as I heard her voice I woke up completely and saw her face with tears falling down her cheeks . I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision and turned on the lamp next to me so I could see her better . As soon as the light was on I looked back at her and she started crying harder and held her thighs closer to her body . I reached my hands out to hold her face and wiped her tears and softly kissed the tip of her nose

"Baby what happened why are you so sad my love ?"

She continued crying but slowly moved her thighs away from her chest and looked up at me with red teary eyes

" 'urt mama 'urt"  

I looked down to her thighs and saw all the fresh open cuts . I quickly picked her up and brought her into the bathroom sitting her on the counter and started tearing though the cabinets looking for anything to clean and bandage these cuts . Lav sat there looking down at her thighs crying and saying they hurt . I got a small towel and wet it with warm water and lightly cleaned up the blood on the more shallow cuts but the deeper ones wouldn't stop bleeding . I bandaged up most of the cuts but there was one really deep one and it wouldn't stop bleeding and it looked too deep for me to just wrap it . I held the towel over it hoping it would help stop the bleeding but it kept flowing no matter what i did and it was so deep i was scared to put anything on it to clean it . I removed the towel and watched as the blood immediately pooled in the cut and saw how wide open the cut is 

"Shit um ok we gotta get you to the hospital I think you need stitches baby come on"

I didn't know what else to do and I was starting to get worried about the amount of blood she was losing . She cried harder and started wailing clearly not wanting to go but I still placed the towel over the cut and picked her up taking her out of the room . I but on a pair of pants and grabbed my phone and purse and a pacifier for Lav and wrapped her in a fluffy blanket to keep her warm and left the house . I strapped her in the backseat pushing the pacifier in her mouth and made sure the blanket was tightly wrapped around her and kissed her forehead before running around the car to start the drive to the hospital . the closest emergency room is 20 minutes away and Lav cried the whole way there . I felt bad for making her go to the hospital when she clearly didn't want to but I was afraid she would get an infection so she has to go . When we got there I took her out of the car with the blanket still wrapped around her and took the towel off her thigh . I decided to let her keep her pacifier in her mouth since it calmed her and went inside . The man behind the front desk recognized me from my show and quickly allowed us to be seen by a doctor when she saw the amount of blood flowing from the cut . The doctor said she needed staples and when Lav heard that she whined louder and his her face in my chest . The doctor allowed her to stay sitting on my lap since it kept her calm and she continued sucking her pacifier looking up at me with worry in her eyes . I cupped her cheeks and brought her face up so I could kiss her forehead and laid her head against my chest . The doctor started cleaning the dried blood around the cut and gave her something to numb the area so she wouldn't feel the staples being done since she was already in hysterics just from the doctor cleaning the area . She hid her face in my chest so she wouldn't see the doctor stapling up her leg and I held her face closer to me and kissed the top of her head . Once the doctor stapled the cut closed and wrapped a bandage around the staples so she couldn't take them out he explained to me that we would have to come back in a few weeks to get the staples removed . Lav had fallen asleep while the doctor was explaining everything to me so once he was finished I was able to take her back to the car easier . She slept the whole way home but she woke up wailing when I took her out of the car . I shushed her and wrapped the blanket tighter around her to sooth her and quickly went inside the warm house and ran up to the bedroom . I quickly laid down and laid her next to me and unbuttoned the top buttons on my shirt and pulled my breast out guiding my nipple to her mouth until she stopped crying and latched on . I laid on my side so I could hold her closer and stroked her hair listening to her breathing and felt her heart beating quickly . She started to calm down and eventually fell asleep and I left my breast in her mouth since I was afraid if i moved too much she would wake up . I pulled the blanket over both of us and kissed her forehead and held onto her tight until I fell back asleep