playing for the other team (bxb)

[5] the drive home

Jamie drives me home from football practice on the following Monday.

Usually, Jamie drives me home on days where we have practice. I definitely could drive myself home if I wanted to, but Jamie's parents pay for his gas money, whereas mine very much do not, so it makes my life a thousand times easier when he does drive me home.

"So," I begin to speak over the radio, "Did anything ever happen between you and Eric?"

"Between me and Eric?" Jamie questions.

Jamie and I tend to share everything with each other. Whenever anything happens in my life, he's the first person I want to talk to about it, and from what I gather, Jamie feels the same way. I'm sure that at this point, there are no secrets that either of us is keeping from the other. However, the one thing that Jamie can be withholding about is his love life.

Jamie usually won't tell me about his love life-or more realistically, his sex life-unprompted. He's never really given me a reason for being so secretive about it, but I suppose that part of it might just be out of habit. Before he was out, he obviously never told me about this kind of stuff, so it would make sense to me if it was just part of how he learned to deal with these situations.

Still, Jamie isn't slick. When I had asked him to hang out on Sunday, he told me that he was doing something. I'm sure that if Jamie was doing something other than, well, Eric, he would've told me. After all, Jamie's usually not short on details like that.

"Come on, dude," I can't help but laugh at Jamie, "You're not subtle. Eric was one-hundred-percent hinting that you two should do something this weekend and then suddenly you can't hang out yesterday?"

"He might've come over for a little bit and we might've made out or whatever."

"Just made out?" I question, "Isn't it weird for him to come over just to make out if you two aren't romantically involved at all?"

Jamie shuffles around in his seat before completely straightening out, now stiff as a board. "Well..." He draws out, "I might or might not have jacked him off too... but I wasn't going to say that. And it wasn't like it was a big deal or anything. I mean, he lasted maybe three minutes-which, no judgment for that because I know how pent up most of these closet cases are, and I've been told from other sources that I'm really good at it."

The thing about Jamie is that at first, he'll act all proper. He doesn't tend to share gross details randomly... but the issue is that the second you give him a little bit of leeway, he overshares every little detail that he can manage to share. The worst part about this is that there's no way of getting mad at him for it because really, it's my fault for asking in the first place.

I try to ignore all of the gross information that my brain was now processing, though, I can still feel my face heat up a bit. "Gross," I mutter, but all that Jamie does is let out a small laugh at this, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see him grinning that stupid grin that he always does, "But seriously, I just... I don't understand how you're gay and manage to get with so many guys. I get that they don't have that many options but still, it just doesn't make sense to me."

"I mean, the fact that I'm a switch doesn't hurt. And you'd honestly be surprised how many people from this town are on Grindr."

See, now I understand what most of these words mean, but when you put them all together, I don't have a single clue as to what is being said. You hear the word switch and the first thing that comes to mind is a light switch, or perhaps switch as a verb where it means to change. But in this sentence, neither thing makes sense. Similarly, I'm sure that Jamie isn't using the word 'grinder' to describe something that grinds up another thing.

"Grindr? Switch?" I question.

"Grindr's a gay hookup app, and switch means that I'll go either way."

"Go either way?" I furrow my eyebrows.

Jamie shakes his head, "You straight people really suck with context clues," And then, after a short laugh, Jamie continues, "Fine, if I have to spell it out for you, I will. It means I'll either do the fucking or be fucked."

"That's vulgar."

"Hey, you were the one who asked."

Though Jamie and I have had countless talks about this kind of stuff, I can never seem to completely wrap my head around it. It just seems like it's so much more complicated being gay. When you're straight, you don't usually have to question what position someone will take during sex... but when it comes to being gay, it seems like there's this whole different system.

"I just don't get how gay guys even decide all of that."

"All of what?"

"I mean, like, in sex," I pause, unable to find the proper words, "You know, like... in sex, who's going to be... like... I don't know... like who's going to be the man or the woman."

"I don't even have the time to get into what's wrong with what you just said," Jamie scoffs, "But it's kinda easy. You see, if I'm with some random twink of a dude... usually, they want you to top. But for someone like you, you know, someone tall and kind of strong, well, maybe I'll consider bottoming."

This isn't the first time that Jamie has ever used me as an example to answer a question like this. He only does it because he knows it'll make me flustered. I really wish that it didn't get to me as much as it did because once Jamie can see my face heat up, he feels like he's won.

"I hate you, Jamie."

"You know that's not true."

"Whatever."

"Anyways, speaking of all of this kind of hookup stuff, are you still planning on going out with Mikaela?"

I had agreed to let Lydia set me up with this girl-which might not have been the best idea, but I might as well give her a chance. I don't know much about her and she's definitely an attractive girl. Realistically, she's probably out of my league; if I don't say yes to this girl, who am I going to say yes to?

"Yeah, I am," I told him, "I think that Friday she's coming over after the game."

"She's coming over?" Jamie questions, "You're not even taking her out somewhere?"

"Well, it was her idea," I elaborate, "She said she's gonna be watching the game and suggested that I take her home with me after the game."

"Twenty bucks says that she's going to try to hook up with you and that you're going to chicken out of it," Jamie laughs, "I mean, seriously, is this a good idea? If she suggested coming over, she's definitely going to make some type of move on you."

"So?"

"It's just that you always get weird about hooking up with people, that's all."

"That's not even true."

"Mhm."

QOTD: do you have a dream car?