The man with the gloves [bucky barnes ff]

52

Bucky's POV

"And how is the alcohol problem going?"

"It was never a problem." I clarify. "But I don't drink as much as I used to." Just like how I don't smoke as much as I used to. And I sleep regularly.
Guess life is worth living if you have someone to live for. I smile at the thought of her.

"I'm assuming this is about Isla?" Dr. Raynor inquires, the corners of her mouth twitching upward. "I really like the effect she has on you but you can't bind your happiness to her."

"I am pretty sure I can." She's a walking sunshine. How can I not bind my happiness to that?

"All I am saying is that even though I am really happy for you, it's not healthy to depend on one person for happiness. If you do that, you will lose yourself if you should one day ever lose her."

"You think I will lose her?"

"That is not what I said. All I am saying that it is possible. I don't have to explain to you how the world works. People come into our lives and leave. It's the way things are. And sometimes it doesn't matter how much they love us and how much we love them, sometimes life is just cruel to us. And if life should ever be cruel to you again I don't want you to fall back to old habits just because you depend on Isla to be happy." She explains. I guess it makes sense. Even though I don't want to think about it now because right now I am happy and right now I don't want to think about how life would be without her.
She's the first thing I think about when I wake up. She's my last thought before I sleep. She's in my dreams, she's constantly in my head, my heart, my life. She is my life. And until now I didn't realise how desperate I am when she's not around. I guess it's not healthy, just like Dr. Raynor said, but I'd rather be a sick bastard than be without her.

"James?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. I was... thinking of something."

"Of something, sure." Her expression falters from a serious glance to a soft smile. "Come on. I know you don't care about anything I say and just want to talk about her. Shoot."

I smile and start. "Okay, so the other day I was over at her place..."

-

"Dude. You can't believe how happy I am you called me for help."

"You say that as if I never call you at all." I roll my eyes.

"You don't." Sam argues. "Anyways, why the change of heart? I thought you were happy with your current living situation?"

"I just want to change it up a bit. A bed and maybe a few decorations, I don't know." I look at the different types of beds in the furniture store we went through. It's nearby so we wouldn't need a vehicle to transport it to my place.

"I wonder what you need a bed for." Sam smirks.

"To sleep, Sam. To sleep."

"Yes, sure." He nods his head. "And I am also sure that a certain young woman across the hall has absolutely nothing to do with your sudden desire to have a real bed and not just a mattress?"

"Oh, piss off." I groan even though he is right. I feel bad because she feels bad for me whenever she's over. Most of the time we are at her place because it's a lot more... homely than my apartment but sometimes when she does come over I can see the way her mood changes. She feels bad for me when she sees the mattress and the lack of effort I put into my apartment so I want to change that. To make her happy. I'd do anything to make her happy. "How about this?"

"This is a single's bed."

"So?"

"Do you plan to let her crash on the floor when she's over?"