The man with the gloves [bucky barnes ff]

77

Ignoring someone is hard when you usually talk to that person on a daily basis. But it's even harder when that person happens to be your cousin, coworker and room mate.

Right now for example we are sitting on the kitchen table together with Orla who is trying to entangle both of us in a conversation but fails gravely. I do feel bad for her and I feel terrible about fighting with Gen especially because I know she had a point but my pride got the best of me.

"Anyways, I was thinking and since my boyfriend and I broke up-"

"Wait, you guys broke up?" I ask and look up from my plate. Has she mentioned this before? Sometimes I feel like I am too caught up with my own life that I forget that my friends have lives too. And I hate it. They're amazing, all of them, and they deserve to have a friend who cares about what goes on with them. "When did that happen?"

"I told you like yesterday, Isla." Orla remarks.

"Are you sure?" I double check. I really don't remember.

"No, you told me." Gen says, not meeting my eyes. This is exactly how this entire week went by. Her talking to Orla. Orla talking to her. Me talking to Orla. And Orla talking to me. But Gen and I? No interaction. Literally zero.

"Oh." Orla mumbles. "You know what? This is pissing me off."

I gasp. "You can't curse. You never curse."

"Well," Orla starts, "consider this my villain arc. Because you guys are both being exhausting right now. Like extremely exhausting. You're behaving like four year olds who just had a fight about what winx club character is the best. You're cousins, yes, but you're also best friends and best friends talk about their issues rather than sentencing each other to the silent treatment."

"You have to forgive her, Orla. Communication is a foreign word in Isla's world." She provocatively grins at me. She's lucky we aren't eating anything that requires knives on the table or else I'd probably channel my inner Marco Bergamo and stab her.

"Yeah, go ahead and put all the blame on me when you're the one who started it." I defend myself.

"I was just being a fucking decent person who didn't want you to use a guy who likes you in a way that you'll never will because you are still hung up on a guy who treated you like shit. This is honestly so pathetic. You're on your downfall and you're dragging everyone else down with you, including Kyle."

"Say that again." I get up and walk around the table until I am towering over her. "How about you tell me everything you've been keeping bottled up all this time? Huh? Come on, Gen."

"Stop it, Isla."

"No, Orla. Obviously she's very invested in my life and has some strong opinions about my choices so she should share them. It's unhealthy not to. Say it, Gen. Say everything that you fucking wanted to say for such a fucking long time!" I snap at her. She takes a deep breath before standing up too.

She is mad. Really mad. "You want to know what I think, Isla? Are you sure you can take it? Or are you just going to fuck with random men because you can't cope properly? If I tell you how stupid you act all the fucking time will you just go and let someone else fuck you while you picture your ex?"

"Gen, that's enough." Orla demands.

"No, she wanted to hear it so here it is. You were right when you said you were broken. You're like a shattered piece of glass and no amount of hookups, no amount of drugs or alcohol will fix that. So just do us and Kyle the favour and stay away so we don't cut ourselves."

I want to yell at her. I want to grab her by her hair and smash her face on the table. I want to cry. Scream. Jump off a building.

But my throat is dry. If I spoke I'd probably just be able to let out a muffle. So I just nod. Then I turn around, walk to my room. And lock the door.

You were right when you said you were broken.

I am not even mad. I know she is right. And to be honest, it feels good that someone is finally telling you what shitty of a person you are instead of sugarcoating it and trying to make you feel better.

Because I don't deserve to feel better.

-
A/N: I also decided that the book will end with 100 chapters :,) still not ready to say goodbye to all of you yet