The aftermath

Broken Pieces

Remus and Sirius were along in the dorms. Both of them quite. The silence was deafening.
They both just stood there, staring straight into each other's eyes. It was just after Remus got out of the hospital wing. He was exhausted, both of them.
"I..." Sirius started a sentence quietly, he just couldn't let the words out of his mouth.
"Remus. I... I love you. I'm... I'm sorry." He started crying, he couldn't help it. The tears falling from his eyes, he wanted to drown in them. He wanted to be in another time, a time when Remus was happy.
"I know you love me Sirius. I love you too. That's why it hurts so bad." Remus said blankly. He set on his bed, looking at Sirius. He was just so cold.
Sirius wanted to kill himself. Because all of it was his fault. He and everyone he loved suffered because of him. And most importantly his Moony, his love, his Remus, suffered just because of him.
"Moony I-" Sirius started but Remus couldn't resist his anger. "Moony?! You don't get the right to use this nickname! You! You made me a monster more than I ever made myself! I could have been a murderer because of you!" Remus got up and yelled at Sirius, Sirius was shocked, holding himself from sobbing. Tears were falling from Remus's eyes.
They just stood there again, back to where they started.
Remus took a step towards Sirius slowly, quietly. Still, their glance locked in place, in each other's eyes.
He took another step, and another step, and suddenly Remus became closer and closer to Sirius. He glanced at Sirius's lips, breaking their endless stare. Sirius just looked at him. He stepped toward Remus, he could feel his warm breath on his nose and lips.
Sirius tiptoed to be tall enough to get to the other man's face and before he knew it, Remus kissed him. The kiss was short but passionate. When it broke they looked into each other eyes with mixed feelings. Anger and sadness, confusion, lust, passion and most importantly, love.
From the sad and the happy kind, from the passionate kind, all kinds of love. But it was the toxic kind too, the kind that kills you because you love.
Before they knew it they started to kiss passionately, they fell onto Sirius's Bed and from there the rest is history.

——————

"I was with Sirius last night." Remus told Lily, it was the morning after, Remus came straight to Lily. Sirius was probably still asleep, he is a late riser. "So you are not mad at him?" Lily asked concerned, she was afraid Remus wouldn't think clearly and in the end hurt himself even more. "Of course I'm mad at him but I'm also mad about him. He loves me Lily. I know it was a mistake. But I didn't deserve this. I did nothing bad to him." Remus took a deep breath, stoping him self from exploding. "It's all just so confusing." Remus needed a rest, he layed down on Lily's bed. Lily came and set next to him, she pat his head and stroke his hair a bit. "Remus it's all gonna be fine, but for now, you need him to give you space, you need time to think and it's just fine." Lily set there, telling Remus it's all gonna be fine. It was a lie, she didn't know it but it was. It could've been true if the wizarding war would have never happen, but it did. But, for his time in Hogwarts it really is going to be fine. He is only in fifth year, he has two more years left.
Suddenly an idea popped into Lily's head. "Get up Remus." She sounded calm but Remus knew she was a bit excited. He got up after her, she put a vinyl in her wooden record player and grabbed his hands. They started swinging together in the middle of the room to sound of 'O Children'. They held each other swinging around. Both smiling sadly. Trying to forget all their problems.

——————

"Me and Remus spent the night together." Sirius said to James, he looked high, more than usual. James was worried, for Sirius, for Remus, for the Marauders, for Sirius's and Remus's relationship, for his and Sirius's relationship, he was just worried. "Sirius you didn't used him, right? You didn't tried to sleep with him to make your self feel better?" James asked cautiously, he knew just how delicate the situation was. Sirius shrugged, "Me? He initiated it. He came to me and kissed me. I was in pain! When I tried to talk to him, to make thing right. He used me! I didn't wanted it!" Sirius yelled at James. James couldn't help it, "Don't you think he deserved it? One last normal thing before his all life go to hell because of you. Because you used him. If he wanted it he deserved it." James yelled back at Sirius. "And you deserved him to use you!" James just kept going. "You did the most awful thing to the person you suppose to love the most! He loves you so much and you know it!" James couldn't help it, he needed to get it all out. "I'm here for you only because you'll be lonely without me, because no one else would want to be around you. Because you are a fucking jerk! To do such a thing to the most loving person there is." James was finally over. Sirius fell on his knees and cried. He just couldn't stop.
"I love him James. More than I could love anyone in my life. Without loving him life would be pointless. I started seeing everything in color when I met him. He made me a better person. He made me more than just a 'Black'. And I would do anything for him to forgive me." Sirius just cried and cried, he couldn't stop.
James set on the floor next to Sirius and all he could say is, "He will forgive you, and I know it. You just need to give him some space. Let him have the time he deserves. Let it heal." He patted Sirius back and set there.
Both of them just lost in pain.

——————

"Can we talk?" Sirius asked Minerva. "Of course Mr. Black. What is the problem?" She said politely.
"I hurt someone I love. And he didn't deserve it. I know I need to give him time and space to heal so he could forgive me. But how do I let go of someone so close, so important in my life." Sirius was calm. He wasn't drank or high, he didn't cried. He was torn apart deep inside but was just so calm and so quiet on the outside. "Remus isn't it?"
Minerva asked and Sirius's eyes widened a bit. "How?" He asked curiously. "You children think we don't care but I care about each and every one of the students in Hogwarts." Minerva smiled, "Sirius. Every time you want to talk to him, just remember, If you'll talk to him now you'll make things worse. If you'll talk to him, it will take longer for the wound to heal. Remember it's temporary. If you want to talk to him, give it a month. If he doesn't come until then come to him, do it in the last day of the school year. Deal?"
Sirius smiled. "Deal Professor." Minerva took a long and loud deep breath, and Sirius got the clue. "Thank you Minnie. You helped a lot."
Minerva smiled, a wide smile. "No problem. You can always come Mr. black." Who knew this conversation would lead to a long lasting friendship between them.

Things got worse but then just a tiny bit better.