You Are My Sunshine (Miritama Fanfic)

Four~

Tamaki's POV 

          After Mirio left, I got changed and stuffed all my books in my bag. There weren't any presentations this week, I think. So I'd be okay. Just thinking about talking in front of people... makes me so nauseous... and want to faint...

 A little while after waiting until the school would even let us in, I walked into the classroom and started reading quietly. My hands were noticeably cold today. I knew today wasn't going to be a good day for my anxiety when I found my hands shaking multiple times. That was always a sign I would have a mental breakdown or a panic attack. I hated the days that I already knew something like that would happen. Those days were getting more and more frequent. I've been marking it down on a calendar for a while now. It was originally one day a month that I had those attacks. Now they're so frequent that there's only one day a week when I don't have one. Sometimes I have more than one on a single day. Every day was getting harder. More and more difficult. Some days, I thought I'd never be able to get up. Others, I just wanted to die.

 

Class dragged on for a while, everything going normally and the way it should go. That's how it was for a while. In science class, I got this sudden feeling of dread that made my stomach churn and my head hurt. There it went. My hands were shaking again. "M-May I be excused...?" I asked. There was a response of 'yes', but by who, I don't know. Everything was burning and blurring. As soon as I could, I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in there, sliding against the cold wall. I started crying. My entire body was shaking. It felt like my airways were slowly closing. Like I couldn't breathe. This is how it was. Each one worse than the one before it. Though they happened frequently, they were sudden and overwhelming.

Each breath I took was a shuddering one, trying to calm myself down but failing in futility. It was paralyzing me. I wanted it to stop, for it to just leave and never come back. I huddled in the corner of the bathroom, my knees pulled to my chest, shaking, and sobbing uncontrollably. I tried countless times to make it stop, or even to calm myself down, but it only made matters worse. About fifteen minutes later, I'd finally stopped shaking enough that I could pull myself together. Just take some deep breaths. .. ... .... ..... .... ... .. .

I composed myself just enough to go back to class. By that time, I was supposed to be in English. I sat down, trying to act like what happened didn't happen. "Tama? You okay?" Nejire asked. I tried not to stiffen, but I did. "Y-Yeah." I stammered quierly. Mirio shot me a look of concern, but they both dropped it soon enough. The rest of the day was a little more stressful than usual. It seemed a lot more crowded, but I knew it wasn't. It was just like an aftermath. Everything was more complicated or dense or stressful. Or all of the above. I tried not to let it bother me. I tried not to let anything bother me. Some things are just... *sigh*. I can't do this...

Mirio's POV

On the way back to the dorms after class, I asked, "Tamaki, are you sure you're feeling okay?" Tamaki just made a small sound in the back of his throat, looking down and away from me. He didn't look okay in my opinion. Nejire wasn't with the two of us today; I think she stayed behind to chat with some friends back in the classroom. "Come on, Tama. You even told me that I told you that you could talk to me." I said, my words coming out jumbled and I wasn't sure if they were in the right order or not. He sighed, looking up from the ground. "Mirio... I had a panic attack today... I don't feel like talking... if that's what you're getting at..." he mumbled. Oh. So that's what was wrong. I hated to picture that. So I just nodded and kept silent, not wanting to trigger anything else.

         Tamaki pulled away from me and walked to his room without a word. I had a feeling he was shutting me out. Maybe he was just tired or the panic attack just took everything out of him. I'm not sure. I wanted him to be able to talk to me if he needed to, but I wasn't going to push it. We had a buttload of homework today, and I wasn't very fond of it. Halfway into my homework, though, there was a message from Principal Nezu. School was canceled for the next two weeks due to an incident with Class 1-A and some of the teachers (Lol a crossover from my other BNHA fanfic). I sighed, shutting my English book. There sure have been a lot of incidents lately. I decided to text Tamaki to see what he thought of it. 

 Mirio: Hey Tama

Mirio: school's canceled tomorrow

Mirio: and for the next 2 weeks

 I waited for a while, surprised that he didn't respond. He was normally the one person who replied immediately. Something was wrong with him today. He wasn't acting like himself. I knew when something was wrong. So I opened the door to his dorm room without knocking, knowing he'd pretend to be asleep or something. I found him lying on the floor, sobbing and shaking. Now I knew why he wasn't replying.

 I crouched down next to Tamaki so his eyes were visible. His breathing was heavy and shuddering and his eyes were covered in his hair. I recognized this. He once slipped and described his panic attacks like this. I didn't know what I should do. I mean... My best friend was shaking and sobbing on the ground. I was speechless, but I needed to say something. It was only yesterday that he caught me like this. So what did he do that made me feel so comforted?

 I laid down next to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, but I was careful not to squeeze too tight. "Tamaki... breathe... It's okay. I'm here now." I whispered, kinda petting his hair a little. His hair was so soft, but it was cold. I could feel him shaking. I tried to recreate the comforting demeanor he gave to me yesterday the best I could, but... I had a feeling I couldn't match it.