Secret behind blue eyes

Where it all began

Hi, my name is Y/N and my life has always been crazy and kind of messed up but it all changed when I met him. Who?  You'll find out soon enough but let's start from the beginning.  I don't remember much about my past but I remember that I was saved by the famous Avenger Tony Stark aka Iron man back when my city was being destroyed by Ultron and his army of androids. I was 15 and I have lived in avengers tower ever since.  Tony and Steve...or you know famous Captain America trained me to become one of them so I did...I became Y/C/N . I used to go on missions with them and all of the other Avengers, I mean I still do but not as often, not after one mission that changed everything.  

We entered the HYDRA base and plan was to take every one of the HYDRA agents down, dead or alive when I was attacked by super strong soldier with long brown hair and metal arm. He pushed me to wall ,holding my neck with his metal arm. "Steve!" I tried calling out for him over the coms, luckily he heard something was wrong and came running  knocking the soldier to the floor. He helped me get back up and we went back to the tower. Mission was complete ,we took down all of the agents and mysterious soldier escaped. 

We returned to the tower and since mission was completed Tony decided to throw a party for us to celebrate. Everyone had great time except me. I could not shake off this strange thought that we should somehow help the soldier who attacked me earlier that day. I know it sounds crazy ,but there was something in his look that told me he wasn't that evil. When he attacked me I felt scared but when I looked him in the eyes I did not see hate or evil, but strangely enough I saw fear and confusion. That thought haunted me for days... I couldn't sleep, talk or even think straight. Steve noticed my strange behavior and asked me what is that all about. Even though I didn't want to tell him I did.
"Y/N, I don't understand why do you think we should help him... He attacked you and he works for HYDRA.", Steve said. I tried to explain it to him again but he just stopped me and said, "Look, Y/N, you're still young, you'll learn that not everybody deserves benefit of a doubt. Sometimes people are just bad."
I just nodded frowning a little, thinking to myself, "I'm too young? What the hell is he thinking.... I'm 25 and I was with him and Tony for over a decade now. I know when something isn't right". Anyways, after that I just wanted to find out more so I started digging on my own. I snuck in Tony's office to dig some more info about our last mission. "J.A.R.V.I.S..." I said hearing robotic voice answering "Good evening, miss Y/L/N, how may I help you?"
"I need you to pull up some info on our last mission. I need a name of a man that attacked me." Before I could even blink, I had all information about that man. His name was James Buchanan Barnes, he was born in 1917 in Brooklyn, he fought in WW2, wait.. does that means he knows Steve? And how is that that he is not dead?
I downloaded all the files and sent them to my computer.
I went back to my room. The tower was dark because it was really late, but I didn't care. I sat on my bed and tried to find some information about James online. I found out that he was indeed soldier in WW2, but information on internet said that he died on a mission when he fell out of train. How is that possible?
Although I had so many questions I was so exhausted from the mission and not sleeping almost whole night that I just drifted away in sleep.
Next morning I realized I was sleeping on my laptop for entire night. I quickly got up, shutting down my computer, scared that Steve or Tony would find out what I was doing. I went to the kitchen to get breakfast still thinking about info I found out last night. I need to find out more soon and I needed J. A. R. V. I. S for that but Tony was in his office almost entire day until a new mission came up. They asked me if I wanna go, but I said that I wasn't feeling well and that I will stay home.
"You sure about that, kid?", Tony asked.
"Yeah, it doesn't seem like a big deal anyways, we've been trough worse, you got this.", I said trying to convince him that I really don't want to go. To be honest I didn't wanna go just because I needed them out so I could sneak in to Tony's office again to find out more about James and his connection with HYDRA. 

"J.A.R.V.I.S., could you please pull up files from HYDRA that involve sergeant Barnes?" ,I asked. "Sure, miss Y/L/N...." I  was shocked. I really was right, something was wrong. I found out about HYDRA's secret project called "The winter soldier" and it was awful. If that was what James was going trough all this years we should definitely help him because he wasn't a villain  but victim. 

I was trying to find a way to convince Steve and Tony that we need to help him but I wasn't sure that they would listen and if anything Tony will be angry if he finds out I used J.A.R.V.I..S to get that information. But I had to tell them , I can not go on that dangerous mission on my own... and I mean... this is what we do after all right? Saving people? 

I heard elevator doors open and steps coming closer. I panicked. They are already back?! I couldn't go out so I hid behind one of those  Tony's  Mark....I don't  which number (he had so many) suits  ,hoping that Tony wouldn't notice but  unfortunately he did. I forgot to close the files I found on HYDRA and he saw them. "Great, Y/N, how can you be so stupid..." I thought to myself.

"J.A.R.V.I.S. ,was someone in my office while  I was gone?" , Tony asked. "Yes,sir. Miss Y/L/N was here..." ,robotic voice answered. 

" Y/N? What was she doing here?"  

"She wanted to know some information about that man who attacked her two days ago and about some other HYDRA project." 

"Really, J.A.R.V.I.S?" ,I said as I come out behind the Mark suit realizing that there is no much use in hiding anymore.  

"What the hell are you doing here, Y/N? Using J.A.R.V.I.S. without my knowledge? Trying to find more info about HYDRA? WHY? " ,Tony stated yelling at me.

I tried to explain it to him but he wouldn't listen, then Steve came wondering what all that yelling is about. 

I explained them both what I was doing and why I think we should help James but they didn't care although Steve kind of seemed to be on board he wasn't very happy. He still thought that it was dangerous and he was right but  I had to do something. I don't know why but somehow I could relate with James so I decided to help him with or without them.