Secret behind blue eyes

Trust broken, trust repaired

Bucky POV:
It's been weeks since Y/N and I don't talk as we used to. I pretend not to be upset about it and let her find out the truth about me herself but in reality I want to spend rest of my life with her and never let her go. Today, it was little bit different though . I woke up feeling anxious and nervous. I wanted to come down to the kitchen to get breakfast and also to see Y/N since breakfast and lunch were now the only parts of the day when we would see each other but I knew other avengers will be there and after what happened with Tony I feel like they all blame me. I tried to  overcome my feels for Y/N but without her by my side I felt like I was drowning in my fears so I decided to just stay in my room for the day and I'll see her tomorrow I thought. An hour later I heard knock on my door. It was Y/N.

"Hey, Bucky.  It's Y/N....I didn't saw you at breakfast this morning? I got worried. Is everything OK? Can I come in?", she asked opening door slowly.

"Hey...Yeah, of course you can come in." , I said smiling.

"So...where were you this morning? Are you ok?" ,she asked.

"Ummm....yeah, yeah I'm fine...I was just feeling little anxious about hanging with all of other avengers. I was nervous and I didn't want to bother you with my feelings.", I admitted.

"Oh, Bucky..." ,she sighed, "you know you can tell me everything that is bothering you. I'm always here for you even if we don't agree on everything sometimes I will always listen."

I smiled at her words, "Thank you, Y/N! You are truly great friend" ,I said blushing, I wanted to say more but I knew this wasn't a good moment. I think she still doesn't trust me as she used to.

"I will always be here for you Buck, no matter what...Never leave you all alone, remember? Now, are we gonna get some lunch?" she asked me with a smile.

"Actually, that's really good idea... I'm starving!", I said chuckling.
"Well... We do have a little problem though... Thor ate all the food we had  so, I think we  need to go out for lunch", she said laughing.
"Wow, that God really needs to watch his diet or soon he will not look so godlike anymore", I said sarcastically but laughing.
"Haha... Yeah, maybe you're right  but look it on the other side. Now, you can take me out for lunch at least", she said with a smile and small grin.
"You got a point there... Let's get going then.", I said taking her hand into mine gently. She just smiled and looked at me me with most beautiful (e/c) eyes that I've ever seen.
Y/N Pov :
Bucky and I  went to Schwarma and while we were standing in a line I noticed him clenching his fist nervously. I knew what was bothering him. This was his first time out in a public and he wasn't comfortable with so many people around him, he still thought of himself as a dangerous man and those looks he was getting from strangers because of his metal arm sure didn't help. He was getting more and more stressed so I whispered into his ear: "Buck, it's ok, just ignore them and you'll be fine. I'm here with you.", but it didn't seem to help.
"Ugh...", I sighed seeing him still nervous. "Do you want to order take-out so we could eat at home?", I asked.
"Ugh... Yes, please.", he said with a sad smile.
After we came back in Avengers tower, we sat down in living room with food in our hands.

I turn on the TV and "War Horse " was on. I love that movie so I left it on and went to the kitchen to get some water. I came back and sat back next to Bucky. I was so invested in movie that I didn't noticed Bucky's heavy breathing. When I finally I noticed it I realized it was because of war scene in movie. I took his hand and turned of TV. He looked  at me with sad look and sighed:" Ugh...I'm so sorry Y/N! We can not do anything that you like because of me. We couldn't eat out and now we can not even watch a movie that you love together because of me and my damn trauma"

 "Bucky...", I looked him in eyes that now were more dark blue then ever, "You don't have to apologize. I get it... what you have been trough... It is horrible, but to be honest you doing pretty good. You are stronger then you think." , I said smiling.   

"Thank you...", he said giving me a said smile.  "Hey....what's wrong?", I asked.
"Doll... It's just... You are so beautiful and so dear to me and this tensions between us are killing me.", he said with tears in his eyes and my hear shattered.
I loved when he called me doll.
"Bucky, I don't know what to believe, anymore."
"Wha-what you mean? Didn't you see the camars?", he asked.
"No, I did, that's the problem"
"And you still don't believe me?", he asked.
"No, I do believe you and I trust you. It's just... It's just easier for me to hate you then Tony. He was like father to me and I can't handle the betray."

"Doll..." he started, but I cut him of. "No, Bucky, don't call me that... Look, I will always be here when you need me, because I understand what is like to be alone and to be betrayed by the person you consider family.... And I-I... ", I started crying when I felt Buckys and on mine. He looked me deep in the eyes and said," Doll... This might be all of sudden but life is to short... I have to tell you something, something I wanted to tell you long time ago... Y/N... I love you. I always did and always will.", he said and my heart skipped a beat... Or two, three beats to be honest.  What the hell just happened???
Bucky POV:
" Y/N... Hey... Y/N, are you with me? ", I said snapping my fingers in front of her eyes. She blinked and said :" Uhm.. Yeah..., yes I'm here Buck... It's just... I-I don't know what to say..."
"I'm so sorry, Y/N... I shouldn't have said that... I... You... You don't have to answer anything just...", I started panicking. And she didn't say anything she just pressed her lips onto mine and kissed me. That took me by a surprise.
"Does this mean you love me back?", I asked bluntly.
"Wow, a hundred and six years old and you still don't know a bloody thing about women, do you Barnes?" she said chuckling
"Well, it's been long time since I dated someone so, but just so you know I was a real ladies man in 40s", I said laughing a little.
"Huh.. It's that so... Well, from now on you better have eyes only for one woman.", she said and I looked at her confused.
She looked at me and chuckled, "Haha, it means I love you too Bucky, I always did.", and with that she kissed me again but this time the kiss was more passionate.
"You have no idea, how long I've waited for this moment, Y/N and it couldn't be more perfect... Even though I always thought I would be the one to initiate the first kiss." I said smiling.
"Well, I'm sorry you should have been faster,haha.", she said laughing as I wrapped my arm around her wanting to protect her from all bad things in the world. Once again she was in my arms and I couldn't feel happier and stronger, I got her back... I got my love back. With that thoughts I drifted away in sleep.