Defect

[chapter 4]

I stood in line with the other girls, staring up at the imposing gray building towering before me. It was huge, too big and cruel for my 5-year-old self to understand. The brand on the back of my neck began to sting again, and I nearly cried as more charred skin shed off. I could only stop myself by staring at the girl who lay beside me, dead. She was my best friend, Ali. We had been brought here together, but I was always the "tough" one, so neither one of us thought it was a bad thing to cry. Everyone figured it out when the gun went off and she kneeled over, leaving me alone in the dirt, Branded as a slave, and covered in the blood of my friends and family. I knelt beside her and held her, covering the small hole in her head with a braid, tied with our friendship bracelets. I knew then, at five years old, that the world was a harsh place. A place where you could either survive or be human, but never both.

I stood slowly, my little hands curling into fists. I would just have to be strong enough for both of us, I thought, looking down at Ali's body. My eyes flickered up to all the other children, who had stood and gotten in line to walk inside our new prison. I took one last look at Ali. She looked so peaceful; truly at rest now. We had been born into a hard world, but she had taken the easy way out, which means I can't. I studied the friendship bracelets in her hair, the clumsy braid, her closed eyes. I looked at the last thing from my old life.

And I stepped over. Now, I wasn't Violet, the scared little girl. I was Violet, the girl who was going to survive.

No matter what it takes, I promised myself. No matter what it takes, I will survive.

***

I jerked upright, gasping for air. I must be really upset if some of must worst memories were popping up in my dreams again. I stared around me, somehow surprised by the fact that Jax and Sophia had also fallen asleep. I heard someone talking up front, and saw, faintly, the shape of two men sitting in the front and passenger seats. We occupied the back of the limo, and enough space to walk freely was spread between us.

The forest whizzed by behind us, going far too fast for the car to be moving at a normal speed. It was separated by sections of grass, but other than that, it was a solid, blurred wall of dark green. From the flashes of clear I got, it was night, maybe 11 or 12?

I laid back down, stretching. It was going to be a while before we arrived, so I may as well get some sleep.

***

I laughed and ran in circles, hugging my mom for protection from the Tickle Monster, aka, "Daddy". He laughed and scooped me up, saying, "Fly, Little Sparrow!" Daddy always called me Little Sparrow, though I never knew why. I spread my arms as he ran around the room, holding me high. For a moment, I really did feel like a bird, high and free and strong. I wasn't really sure why, but I had always loved birds. They seemed so happy, up there flying away from their problems.

I watched a set of birds flying outside, happy. Then, suddenly, there was a distant crack, and one of the birds fell from the sky, the one leading the V. I watched it fall, my small, 3-year-old self not understanding death. The rest of the birds fluttered around, confused and scared by the sudden noise and disappearance of their leader. I wanted to go tell them to keep going, before more of them disappeared, when suddenly, Daddy picked me up, exchanging a look with Mommy before they both ran outside, through the back door. I wondered what was going on, if we were going to help the birds find their way. I glanced back at them, only to see that a few more had vanished. There was now one little bird flying in the right direction, and others were following. See, I thought, all they needed was a leader. The birds flew away, vanishing behind a cloud. I turned back around, only to see us in front of the shed in our backyard. Daddy threw open the doors, and I peered inside, curious. I hadn't ever been allowed in here before. Mommy and I ran in, only to hurry down a few flights of stairs before reaching the bottom. I looked around, my eyes wide.

In front of us was a steel table, plus several cots folded up against the wall. The space was huge, bigger than the entire house. They closed and locked the door, pushing things up to barricade it too. I looked at the cement floor, my eyes widening as they landed on the walls. 

Weapons.

Dozens, hundreds of them, covering everything in sight, save where maps hung, places where I knew the Rebellion had struck recently circled in in red. I was ushered into a corner by Mommy, where she pressed a hidden notch in the wall and a secret door slid open, only to reveal some sort of hidden room. I stepped in, only to see my room.

It was perfect in every aspect. It had the same purple walls, and the same stuffed animals. The same pictures on the same desk, with the same wooden chair, and the same triangle ceiling.

"Stay in here, okay, sweetie? Just stay here for a little longer, and then I'll buy you an ice cream, okay?"

I nodded, happy I was getting ice cream when all this was over. She closed the door, and I immediately started wandering around, checking to see if it was the same. Everything appeared to be in order, except a small screen on the desk. I pressed one button, hoping to watch a movie, only to see the room I had been rushed out of. I couldn't hear anything, but I watched Mommy and Daddy hurry around the room, arming themselves. There was an explosion of white-gray smoke, billowing all over the place. I pressed some more buttons, trying to get the smoke to go away so I could make sure they were okay. Instead, I got sound. There was a man speaking, and I realized it was Daddy.

"You can't bring us down. The Little Sparrow won't be shot out of the sky. She's a survivor."

Another man spoke, his voice harsh.

"Anything can be killed if you've got enough bullets."

There was another bang, then the sound of footsteps and a door closing. I stayed in the room, fear keeping me rooted to the spot. It took a few hours, but the smoke cleared eventually. I saw that the men were gone and ran out, tripping over myself and landing on broken glass. I cried out in pain, picking myself up and stumbling over myself the glass was now bloody, but the pain faded from my mind as something that hurt so much more took it's place.

A cry fell from my lips, something that was primal and animalistic. I sobbed as I knelt over the two limp shapes among the rubble. Pain was my entire world now, and I struggled to come to grips with this new reality.

Light was still streaming through the door from the stairs leading to the world far above. Somehow, it didn't feel like I belonged in that world anymore.

The sun set on a little girl, crouched over her parents' bodies. The last shreds of daylight faded from the world as the bodies grew cold, and in this new darkness, in this new reality, a new girl was forged from blood and pain and loss, from the fire that had burned her life forever.

And the little sparrow grew just a little bit bigger.