Defect

[chapter 12]

"I went for a walk," I said. It was the same boring answer I'd been stuck here giving for the past 45 minutes.

"Yes, you said that already," Aretha snapped, the tension she was under showing in every muscle of her body and her stiff poster. "I'd like to know why you 'went for a walk' at exactly the moment I needed you."

"Because I needed it," I said, standing and wincing when I realized I had risen my voice slightly above the whispers we had been speaking in. I lowered my voice back down, murmuring, "I understand that I probably shouldn't have, and that it sucked for you, but believe me, it was better than a meltdown inside the house. I just... I thought I was better, that I was over it, and clearly, I was wrong. I needed space more than I needed logic and convenience right then. Do you get where I'm coming from?"

She sighed, suddenly looking really tired. "Yeah. Don't expect me to take any blows for you when they find everything out, though."

A weak smile spread across my face. "I was kinda hoping you already had and I didn't have to worry about it."

"Hell no," she snorted, looking at me like I was crazy, "No way am I taking that bullet for you. Your guilt trip didn't work that well."

My smile widened, and looking out the window at the solid, inky mass called twilight, a strange sort of comfort settled over me. It was nice to know that I had friends who'd protect me, and even better, ones who wouldn't--ones who would simply stand by me while I muddled through, fighting my own battles as best I could.

It was just nice to know there was someone who cared.

***

"Hi, Jax," I said, my voice quavering slightly. The early morning light was streaming into the kitchen, and it was hard to even breath between my fear and the way the light wood table still had the grape juice stain I'd tried to mop up with a pillow when I was little.

She barely spared me a glance, moving across the floor with purpose.

"Hi, Violet," she said, rummaging through a cabinet. "Is there any food in this place?"

"No," Aretha and I said in unison. She glanced at me, surprised.

"Didn't realize you had done inventory since you snuck back in like a coward."

"The Evos always clean everything out after a kill, and this house hasn't been touched in years. And would you have prefered it if I had stormed in, waking everyone up after a long and exhausting day?" I said frostily, a guilty relief sinking in. At least this game of barbed comments and subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) jabs was familiar--I knew how to play this without getting hurt.

"Who are you talking--oh," Alex said, walking in mid-yawn and catching sight of me. I looked away, hating myself for it, and realized I was anxiously tracing the faded, purple grape-juice stain on the corner.

"Good morning," Aretha said, entirely comfortable from her corner spot, leaning against the wall, surveying everything in sight and a little too comfortable with my unease.

"So... um... hi, Violet," he said awkwardly, trying to shove his hands in his pockets like he did when he was nervous, only to find nothing but air. I watched his hands come to a rest at his sides, fingers twitching slightly.

Suddenly, it felt terribly wrong not to have those hands encircling my own.

"Oh my god, Violet!" Sofia cried, rushing forward. Jax cleared her throat, and she stopped instantly, looking between the sides of the room before backing away with an apologetic look. I tried to swallow, surprised to realize there was a painful barricade. I wondered what it was, but the heat in my eyes quickly told me all I needed to know.