Mummy, Daddy and Me

Mummy's busy. (sad af)

Phoebe

I walked through my front door, expecting silence and bliss. However, I heard the patter of little feet hurry towards me and the screech of my baby shouting 'mummy!" It was nine o'clock, an hour past her bedtime and she was meant to be in bed. Nonetheless, I hadn't seen her all day so picked her up into my arms as she jumped into me.
"Hey baby," I whispered, holding her close to me. I took in the scent of her hair and rocked her in my arms.
"I miss woo mumma," she mumbled sadly into my neck. She then sat up in my arms, giving me the saddest puppy eyes.
"I know princess. I've missed you too," I let her hop down and put some hair behind her ear- however, I noticed it was greasy.

"Have you showered?" I asked, noticing her still in her day clothes. She sighed, lowered her head and softly shook it.
"Baby, didn't I text you saying I wanted you in bed for 8:30?" I sighed and lifted her chin up with my fingers.
"You did mama b b but i jus tiny baby I can't do it," she huffed before crossing her arms.
"Tiny babies don't give their mummies an attitude. Go get in the shower and then get yourself ready for bed," I stated. I was tired after a long day at work but I had a meeting to go to now. Thankfully, it was a virtual one so I was going to change out of my work pants and into my pyjama pants.

"I no wanna," Jess huffed, emphasising her crossed arms.
"Tough titties munchkin. Off you go," I said. She giggled a little at my choice of words but still sluggishly walked to her bathroom.
"Once you're ready, get into bed baby. I'm in a meeting, okay?" I said to her as she entered the bathroom.

"Whatever mama," she huffed. I felt bad. I had missed her all day but I was so busy! With the huge dilemma which hit my company only a few weeks back, I'd been chocablock with work. I wanted to spend so much time with Jess but at the minute, it's hardly happening.
"I love you!" I shouted through the house, not receiving a reply. I quickly texted Carter, expressing my upsets and hoping he could come up with a solution.
I got changed and logged onto my meeting. I was exhausted already so I had my fingers and toes crossed it wouldn't take forever! I could hear Jess in the shower as the shower backed onto my office. I honestly just wanted to hold her and cuddle her and praise her and love her so badly. My heart ached for it. I sighed as my boss came on, looking as chirpy as ever. I plastered a smile on my face and got ready for this. An international client will be joining us any moment!

Jess
Standing in the shower, letting the water wash over me, I let it mix with the tears. I wanted my mama- desperately. I'd wanted her all week but she was so busy with work. I wanted Daddy too but he was still looking after Lily as Tarken was STILL in hospital. I heard mummy and daddy talking on the phone the other day saying some stuff about a transplant which made me know he'd be in even longer and I'd be without a daddy for even longer.

Groaning, I got out of the shower and went into mummy's bedroom. I didn't want to go to my own. I'd missed mummy too much. I got dry and into her clothes as well as slipping a pull up on before sliding under the covers and putting on Sofia. I couldn't help but cry. I could smell mama's smell in her bed sheets and they were still warm from where I was laying earlier. I soaked it all up, hoping and praying it was mama. 

I hated not being able to have her. When I was with Paige, I'd often get the silent treatment or be ignored for days on end if I did anything to upset her and I knew, the rational part of me knew that this wasn't mama and mama wasn't punishing me- she was simply so busy but it was so so hard to accept it. I just wanted her to hold me and enver let me go every again. 

Phoebe
The meeting lasted an hour and a half meaning, it was now 1030 and I was even more exhausted. On top of that, I was starving. I walked from my office, assuming Jess was asleep as I hadn't heard a peep from her for the whole time- which is the only time that's ever happened whilst being in an online meeting, I went to the kitchen. However, I sighed and put my hands on my hips. The kitchen hadn't been cleaned all day. My breakfast bowl still sat in the sink but what else shocked me was that there weren't any lunch or dinner bowls or plates or even cooking things out. There was no way she'd cleaned them and not my bowl. I checked the fridge and noticed the food I bought for her this week hadn't been touched- as well as the cupboards. She actually hadn't eaten all day! Or even all week?

I stalked upstairs, wanting to see if she was even asleep. I checked her bedroom to see that she wasn't even there- of course she was in my room. I opened the door a crack and first saw Sofia on the TV. It was on quietly so I then heard Jess crying from under the covers of my bed. I sighed and held back my own tears.

"Jess, baby?" I whispered. I lifted up the covers and peaked my head under. She looked up at me, eyes full of tears and the smallest innocent look- god she'd slipped really far.
"Ma," she mumbled and rolled onto her back.
"Hey princess." I sat besides her and she instantly shuffled herself onto my lap. I couldn't help but notice how much thinner she was than last week. I'd failed her, completely. I wrapped my arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around my neck and we both hid in each other's necks.

"Ma," she mumbled again as a fresh set of tears escaped her. I couldn't hold mine back anymore either. I let my body shake with hers as we held each other. As I held my baby.

Once my tears subsided, I quickly worked on calming Jess's down. She'd always struggled to stop herself crying once she'd started whereas I needed a few minutes to get them out and I was fine again.
"Come on angel, you're okay," I whispered. I pried her away from me slightly and moved some wet hair behind her ear.

"Ma," she sobbed, clinging to my t-shirt. Then, I noticed she was wearing my clothes. I couldn't help but smile slightly.
"Mummy isn't going anywhere baby. I just need you to try and take some deep breaths," I caressed her cheek and picked up a tissue from my bedside table.
"Ma," she cried again as I wiped her wet cheeks.
"It's alright baby girl, mummy's here now," I choked. Seeing her this upset, this fragile and small made my heart break all over again.
"Come on angel, deep breaths," I muttered, bringing her into my chest again. I sat up slightly and rocked us. I held her head against my neck, holding her close and caressing her. I didn't want her to see me cry. Eventually, with steady tears still streaming down my face, her sobs turned to hiccups and her tight grip on me loosened.

"That's it, my pretty girl," I praised, still stroking her back. She sat up slightly, rubbed her eyes and then frowned at me.

"Sad?" she asked, wiping a tear from my cheek.
"Hayfever," I replied, smiling slightly. She huffed and scowled at me.
"Wiar," she groaned.
"I'm not lying."
"Yes you are ma, dere not even any fowers here!" I giggled a little and wiped her wet cheeks again.
"Maybe it's the smell of your lavender shampoo," I smirked. She giggled a little and looked at me sadly before sighing. I looked at her sadly too. I put some wet hair behind her ear again.

"Can mummy do your hair?" I asked her quietly. I wanted to approach the no food subject but I didn't know how. Jess nodded though. She clambered off my knee and sat in front of me, leaning her head back.
"Braids mama," she confirmed. I smiled, grabbed the brush and some bobbles from my bedside drawer and got on with it. She sang along to Sofia and quoted the words. I could hear in her voice that she'd been crying more than she was with me and it broke my heart all over again. "What did you have for dinner baby?" I asked, flicking one of her braids over her shoulder. She stopped for a moment, thinking about it.
"Chicken and pesto pasta, mama," she replied. I smirked a little, she was lying.
"Ooh, was it yummy?" I asked, playing into it.
"Mhmm."
"Did you save me any?"
"Nuh uh. It was toooo good," she giggled, feeling accomplished that she'd 'gotten away' with lying.
"Oh! Fair enough. Did you make it all by yourself?"
"Mhmm!"
"Even the pesto sauce?"

She paused, thinking. "No?"
"No? You used the jar?"
"Yeah mummy!"
"Oh! Did you find one in the cupboard? I didn't think we had any left," I stated.

She paused again. "Silly mummy didn't look properly," she giggled. I finished her other braid and flicked that over her shoulder too. I then wrapped my arms around her waist and whispered in her ear: "Who's the liar now, hm?" She blushed and looked at me.
"I'm no-"
"Yes you are baby. We both know you are so don't try tricking me. Why haven't you eaten?"

She huffed and crossed her arms but still leaned into my front. "I no no."
"How about I order in pizza?" I suggested.
She pouted and shook her head. "Chicken an pesto." I smiled and stood up. She'd suggested something and I was rolling with it.
"Come on then, you can come help mummy." I lifted her into my arms and carried her down the stairs before sitting her on the clean kitchen counter.

Once dinner had been eaten, we got all snuggly under the covers and warm. She snuggled so close to me, it was like we were one person. I felt so guilty about not being there for her the last few days but it made me feel better that she had forgiven me at least. That leads me on the right path to forgiving myself.