Mummy, Daddy and Me

Mummy's baby. (slight food tw)

Not sure how good this is going to be guys, just need to write and get it out there. 
I hope you're all having a good day :) 

Jess. 
I felt rubbish. Mummy was at work, Daddy was at work and even Ellie was at work. I hated how much mummy always had to work now. She thought I was getting better mentally and all but in reality, I just got better at hiding it. 
She'd given me things to do today. She told me to eat some food which was gross and then she wanted to me try and write a song for Daddy's birthday. I had tried to do them things but whenever I did- I just cried. I didn't want to eat because I couldn't be bothered but I knew I had to. The kitchen was just so scary.  I felt like crying all over again. 
I sighed and texted Ellie, asking when she finished work. I didn't want to text mummy because I didn't want her to be upset with me for lying about feeling okay. I knew she'd feel bad I didn't want my mummy to feel bad about my silly choices. Silly choices however, always turned back on you and sometimes life was just shit. Ellie replied pretty quickly saying she finished at six but was going out with her friends so wouldn't be home until eleven which meant I was down a play mate. I told her okay and rolled over in mummy's bed. 
I loved mummy's bed. I smelt like mummy and sometimes, if I got into not long after she left for work, it was still warm. I quickly texted daddy, asking what time he would be home and put a show on netflix. I wanted a cuddle and I wanted one badly. I wanted food but it was all too hard and I just- god damn it. I'm completely useless. I began to cry hard into mummy's pillow. I hated I couldn't do things for myself but at the same time, I just needed mummy more and more. It was like, the whole world was empty without her. Like without her with me, I couldn't function. I needed my mummy. I quickly sent her the safe word over text through blurry eyes and hid under the covers. Please mummy.

Phoebe.
Locking up the office, I ran to the car and began to drive, not even belting up. I could do that when I was on my way. Seeing the safe word pop up on my phone meant one of two things, my baby was mid break down or she was being cheeky and wanted me home. That had only happened once though and never again as I got quite upset with her. This, therefore, made it pretty clear what was happening and I felt so guilty. I knew, deep down in my gut, that I shouldn't have gone to work today. She just looked off today and but I asked her if I should stay and she said no, she assured me she'd be okay but here we are. I suppose, I couldn't blame her- she tried her hardest and I bet texting me was the last resort. 
I tried rining Carter on my way to see if he knew anything as he has a safeword with her also but he didn't answer so I assumed he was in a meeting. 
I drove through a red light, not even realising until I got beeped at, as I sped home. Jess needed me and I had to be there for her. 

I parked the car sloppily in Carter's drive way and jumped out. I locked it quickly and ran into the house and shouted for Jess. I knew that if I was frantic when getting too her, she'd feed off that anxiety so I took a few deep breaths before following the sound of her cries. 
She was curled up in my bed, under the covers and her breathing was eratic. I walked round to the side so she could see me and pulled back the cover gently, not wanting to startle her. 
"Hey baby," I mumbled, bending down. As soon as she clocked I was there, her arms shot up for me and I picked her up. I hheld her against me and sat back on the bed. She wrapped her legs around my hips and hid her face in my neck. I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her, keeping her close to me and drew patterns on her back. 
"Mummy's here now lovely," I told her. I rocked us and then took out her pony tail. Her breathing began to settle then and I continued drawing patterns on her back. I felt her tears seeping through my t-shirt but she was safe now and she had me so I couldn't care less. 
"I've got you." 

Ten minutes later, her breathing had fully calmed down and she was sniffling slightly. She still hadn't said anything to me and I didn't blame her. Usually, after a meltdown like that she regresses to quite a young age so I was expecting very, very little Jess for the rest of the day. It was just past 12 so I knew she needed some food but how much and whether or not she was going to eat proper food, I don't know. 
"Hey darling," I mumbled, running my hands through her hair. She sniffled a little and sat up in my arms. I smiled at me and put some hair behind her ear. She wiped her eyes with her fists and pouted. 
"Sowwy," she mumbled, almost so quiet I couldn't hear her. 
"Don't be sorry my love. Are you feeling better now mummy's here?" She nodded softly and snuggled back into me and I smiled. I had very little Jess. 
"Shall we go and get some food and then we can put on a movie and nap, does that sound good?" She shook her head. 
"No? Why not?" 
"No fwood." 
"You don't want any food? How about a bottle? Mummy can make you a shake!" She sighed but didn't say so. I stood up, with her still in my arms and made sure she had the blanket still wrapped around her. She sighed again as we walked out but I wasn't going to entertain it. I grabbed her favourite teddy from her bedroom before heading downstairs and to the kitchen. 

Hopefully, after some food and a nap- she'll be feeling much happier. I knew she wouldn't come out of her headspace for a while but at least wanted to make this headspace a lot nicer and more carefree for her. She was way to frickin fragile for this world.