Chain of Memories

VII

When you realize how life going through; you just want to let everything out of it. Often, you are deaf with and not trying to make it better.

Isa na siguro 'yon sa masasabi kong natural na reaksyon na ng tao. I knew, I'm difficult person. The fact, I don't want to share my life to someone out there. I have a lot of issues and fears was once engulfing my whole being. I'm scared, if I let myself be an open book – they would surely judge me. I don't want to experienced that tremendous feeling once again. Dahil kapag nangyari 'yon hindi ko alam kung saan ko hahagilapin ang sarili ko.

All of us had insecurities, and I won't deny that. Mahirap makipagkompetensiya lalo na sa sarili mo, gan'on din naman ang iba. We sometimes belittle ourselves because of we don't have what others have. It was a childish act.

Hindi madali kapag lumubog ka sa sarili mong insekyuridad. Lalong mas higit na walang nakakaalam kundi sa sarili mo. I was drawn, not just once but truthfully I lost count. I felt to alone and weirdo as they often called with, I had feeling of given up, those things I love seems dull. It never gives thrill and joy in me.

Same time, I wanted to wander away. Wishing that I could go with the place wherein no one knows me – an isolation. A very good idea. Life wasn't that kind to give you what you want in an instant.

I know I'm not everyone's favorite. Pero minsan sa buhay ko na sana – maraming sana. Contradiction, we can't change the reality. What ifs are merely what ifs – letting ourselves be troubled in something trivial. May mga bagay na akala mo ay kailangan mo, 'yon pala hindi naman – malaki ang pagkakaiba. Kapag iniisip natin, minsan ay madali at may oras namang hindi. Pagdating mo naman sa aktuwal na pangyayari ay taliwas sa kung ano ang iniisip mo.

If there was something which I realized in this matter, Don't over think and isolation will never be good idea. Hindi ko naman sinasabing kailangan mo maging open book. May mga bagay na dapat tayo lang ang nakakaalam at may mga bagay din naman na taliwas. Based with the circumstances.

Ika nga mahirap makipagbuno sa buhay ng ikaw mag-isa. Tiyak hindi mo iyon kakayanin, darating at darating ang punto na susuko at mapapagod ka. You cannot let yourself down, when you know you have someone out there ready to be your ears. Will listen with your nonsense rants, only to make you okay.

Isolation could be good at times, but always – no, not any good. Acceptance isn't engulfing with fear. It's brave enough to show things what supposed to be.

We cannot live in the ideal world. Reality had something in it sleeves. To become worth fighting for, na mismo tayo sa sarili natin ay masasabi na ang lahat ng napagdaanan natin ay may kahalagahan kung ano tayo ngayon. In living the reaity, you have to see how it works. No imitate, simply to make the best of – a difference.

You will not learn unless you don't observe nor experienced. Sa madaling sabi, hindi ka matuto kung palagi ka nalang nakadepende sa mga bagay na alam mong wala sa reyalidad. Bakit? Dahil ba pinoprotektahan mo ang sarili mo? I don't think so. We need to learn.

Life with the usual routine, there was something wrong – something unusual. Waking up each day, facing another bunch of possibilities implied a new and meaningful sense. Ika nga ang buhay ay napakaraming misteryo. Hindi mo 'yon madidiskubre kung hinahayaan moa ng sarili mo na maging kontento sa kung ano ang alam mo. Life is discovering and learning. Na sa bawat araw ay may panibagong leksyon na matutunan. Reflection which made up of who we are now – the present.

If you could do things in a good cause. Savor it in the best of you. Learn to value what you have. Once, it passed you can't turn time in its accord. New isn't really new. Something which implies a deeper understanding of the truth.

May mga bagay man na nakakaramdam tayo ng takot na subukan. O kaya naman hayaan ang iba na makilala tayo ng husto. 'Di 'yon sapat na dahilan upang maging iba ang tingin natin sa buhay.

Gaano man katindi ang naransan at nararanasan natin sa reyalidad na mundo. Kahit kailan ay hindi nito matatakpan kung ano ang napakagandang katotohanan. You lived in the shattered world, apart from everything. All people are given a chance to be – new themselves.

I'll answer the question, when you realize how life going through, what will you do? This is – you will learn how to value every single pieces of life. And some up the remarkable realization which resembles the better you.