Under the surface | Ashtray X Fem

Part 24

⚠️TW: talks of suicide⚠️

*AT MIAS HOUSE*

JAYDENS POV

I just sat there with Mia crying for like 5 minutes

"You can sleepover if you want?"

She asks, rubbing my back

"Yes please"

I mumble whipping away my tears and standing up

"Here"

Mia says passing me a shirt to wear. We both get changed into over sized shirts and just underwear. Then get into Mia's double bed. We cuddle up to each other. Our faces just inches apart.

"Jayden?"

Mia whispers, tucking my hair behind my ear

"Yeah?"

I whisper. I notice Mia looking at my eyes, then back down at my lips, then back up at my eyes

"You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen"

She whispers smiling at me

"Thanks"

I say, not really knowing where this conversation is going to go.

"And I really missed you"

She whispers rubbing the side of my face lightly with her thumb

"I missed you too Mia"

I whisper

She starts leaning in, then next thing I know. I feel her lips against mine.

What the fuck!?

Mia starts trying to make out with me but I pull away

"Um, I'm, uh, sorry"

I say, sitting up in bed

"Shit, no im fucking sorry Jayden"

Mia says sitting up

"It's ok, im just um. Im gonna go home I just remembered I need to be home now"

I say, getting up and picking my clothes up off the floor and slipping my pants back on.

I walk out of the room and close the door behind me. I don't know why I reacted like that, but I guess with everything else going on I felt like it was too much.

"Shit!"

I hear Mia yell as I walk through her house trying to find the front door. I accidentally walk into the kitchen, seeing a bottle of wine and some type of pills sitting on the counter.

I look around then put the pills in my pocket and put the bottle of wine under my hoodie. Then quickly walk out the front door.

I walk to the closest park and sit down under a tree. I take my phone out and check the time

'1:24am'

I then take my vape out of my pocket, followed by the pills, then take out the bottle of wine.

Then I put in my ear pods and listen to woman by Doja cat whilst drinking pretty much the whole bottle of wine and popping about 3 pills.

Then, everything went black. I was relaxed. I was happy.

Until....

"Ma'am"

I open my eyes seeing 3 police officers standing around me. It was now bright outside, I must have slept a while.

"Please stay still"

One of them says, looking me right in the eyes

"Breath on me"

He says

"What the fuck no!"

I say, I knew excactly why he asked me to do that. He wanted to see if he could smell alcohol in my breathe. Like the fucking bottle of wine in my hand didn't give it away that I had been drinking.

Anyway, about 5 minutes later the put me in handcuffs and took me to the police station. All because I took a couple pills, drank a bottle of wine and fell asleep in a park? I think it's bullshit, but then again I am only 14 sooo I guess I do kinda get it.

They told me that someone was on their way to pick me up, but they didn't tell me who. I'm hoping it's not my dad because he's gonna hit my ass.

"Jayden"

I look up as an officer says my name. I see Fez and Rue standing next to him.

"Hey"

Rue says

"Hi"

I say awkwardly walking up to Rue and Fez. They both look kinda mad. But I get it, they are like my older siblings and they just want the best for me I guess.

"Here, let me take these off"

The officer says, starting to take off my handcuffs. I look at the floor for as long
As I can. But then I look up at Rue and Fez, both of them looking right at me.

I tried to look calm on the outside, but I was fucking screaming on the inside. I was so angry that they cared so much about me.

It's weird, sometimes i like get depressed and shit because I feel like none of my family cares about me, and then I also get mad when people do care about me. Like, what the fuck!?

I guess the reason I get so mad when people care about me is because when I eventually kill myself, cus like we all know it's gonna happen, or when I die from like drinking too much or doing too many drugs or vaping to much. They are gonna be sad. And I don't wanna make anyone fucking sad, so it would just be better if no one cared, you know what I'm saying?

Shit, that got deep.

Authors note: thanks for reading! Love y'all!

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