The Ache Between Us

Chapter Six - Rafael

The weird thing about relationships is that they hit you out of nowhere. It's not a ten-step plan where any part of it is thought out. One minute you're fighting in English class about who's smarter; the next minute, you're counting down the seconds in your last period until you see them again. The weird part was that it wasn't weird at all. It felt normal. I'd stop by almost every day after my last class when I didn't have soccer practice.

I'd bring food or groceries with me to make her something to eat. If she didn't forget to eat then she just wasn't hungry, and I don't know which reason pissed me off more. I don't even think she intentionally did it. She'd genuinely be too busy studying, reading, or doing homework that she'd forget to eat. Even with all of that put aside, Iris stirred something inside of me, bringing out this dominant and stable side that enjoyed the simple task of taking care of her, feeding her, checking up on her, and you couldn't even ask me why.

Reasons unknown.

After getting me hooked on her favorite television show, we watched it together, cuddled up on the couch. Simple. It was simple, and the flow of us being together, sitting together like it was something we've been doing forever felt easy like breathing. Everything surrounding us felt light like we weren't forcing ourselves to spend time with each other. We spoke about everything and nothing all at the same time. I didn't even know what we felt towards each other because it's unlike anything I've ever felt before.

I rarely dated because I solely focused on my academics and soccer, yet with Iris, it was like she unlocked something inside of me. It was odd at first, thinking that I could put anyone above my priorities, but with Iris, she wasn't clingy, nor did she beg for my attention. Her main focus was school, too, so we had this silent understanding between each other. I didn't have to remind her of my school schedule or soccer practice, and she never nagged if I didn't answer her messages.

Sometimes we'd talk about school and homework, and sometimes we'd talk about the music we're listening to or the show we're currently binging. She loved thriller, action, and any of those heist types of movies and shows. She wasn't a huge music fan, but sometimes she'd sing to me while I was doing homework, and it was just another thing about Iris that was fucking alluring. Her voice was as soft and as warm as the rest of her. We spoke about our families. I told her how my family left everything and everyone so that I could have the life they couldn't, how I've played soccer ever since I learned how to walk.

I love how she listened to every word I spoke, never judging or interrupting, instead of letting me pour my entire soul to her as I vented to her about the unbelievable pressure I felt sometimes. How I feared failure because to have my parents disappointed in me felt like death all in itself.

She told me that whatever I did, wherever I went in life, I should be proud of myself, of my accomplishments, because I was the most intelligent and most hard-working person she knew. She spoke to me of her mother's affair, her parent's nasty divorce, and how closed off her fathers had always been.

I let her speak, let her show her vulnerability to me because, with me, she was safe. With me, she would always be safe. She spoke of how her grandma died in Armenia before she could meet her, and it was after her funeral that her father brought her grandpa to live with them. She told me it was a silver lining because her grandpa was the best thing that could ever happen to her. Whenever she spoke of her grandpa, her voice would crack halfway, and I'd tell her it was okay for her to cry around me. It's been a week since I last stopped by to see her with finals and practice. I've been booked solid, so all we had were whispered phone calls filled with breathless promises and hushed secrets.

Sometimes when it was late, and I could tell she was close to falling asleep, her voice would get all breathless and low as she spoke about when I'd come by and kiss her again. That she thought about the kiss too much, and then the whole mood would switch. I'd tease her about how I missed her lips, her tongue, and the way her body moved on top of mine.