Keith Kogane x Reader One-Shots

18 - Breaking the facade

A/N: Hey reader! Just before we get into this one-shot, I wanted to mention that it does talk about some sensitive topics, seeing as it goes over self-harm, and also talks about blood. If you feel uncomfortable with either of these themes, please feel free to click away, as I am aware that it can be a less than pleasant topic for many people. If you do suffer from self-harm, or similar thoughts, please do speak to someone, no matter who it is! With that said, however, I hope you have a great night/day, and I'll see you in the next one! - Gracie

(Requested by @Goose_UwU)

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Weeks. Months. Maybe even years. That's how long it had been since you had felt genuinely okay. Sure, there were moments - mostly when you were with your boyfriend - but most of the time, a numbness seemed to overtake you, occasionally being replaced by an overbearing sadness that you could not explain. Now, it was safe to say, was one of those moments.

It had been a tough week on the ship; you had argued with your closest friend, Pidge, and now Lance and Hunk weren't on the best of terms with you, either. Even Keith seemed to be keeping his distance, having not talked to you much. This week, it was almost as if the world had something against you, for nothing ever seemed to go well.

You didn't want to resort to it again; you had been clean for a few weeks before now. But the events of this week? They pushed you over the edge, leaving you desperately clawing for some sort of stability until you tumbled down, hitting the cold, sharp rocks laying at rock bottom once again. This was all figuratively, of course.

In reality, you were sitting on the cold floor of your bathroom, clutching a small, blood-covered blade in your shaky hands and looking at your wrist in horror. You had broken your streak, fresh blood now pouring off of your arm and hitting the tiles with a slight splash.

Sobbing, you placed the blade down next to you and rested your head on your knees, doing so silently as to not alert anyone of your current feelings. With how long you had been on the castle for, you had become accustomed to crying quietly as to not wake up your neighbours, and it was a skill you, unfortunately, mastered very quickly.

The tears fell down your cheeks as if they were a waterfall; a flood that prevailed, no matter how much you tried to wipe it away and stop it. What felt like hours passed before you could breathe properly again, the steady flow of saltwater halting and allowing you to clean yourself up.

Your legs felt weak as you rose from the ground, and you had to hold the sink for support to steady yourself. Looking into the mirror, you almost reeled back in horror; the skin around your eyes was red and swollen, and the blood had seeped through your sleeve, taking to dripping over both your shirt and your leggings, leaving you looking like a walking crime scene.

With a sigh, you grabbed some bandages from one of your many drawers and treated your wrist before returning your blade to its usual hiding spot and entering your room once more. There, you picked out a fresh set of clothes, quickly changing into them before throwing the others into the washing basket for you to clean later.

Feeling a sudden wave of fatigue hit, you made your way back to your bed and hid under the covers, hardly expecting the door of your room to open mere seconds later, the person walking in wordlessly and settling on the edge of the bed, their hand moving to stroke your hair lovingly.

"Hey, darling,", they whispered softly, their thumb grazing your cheek. "Are you awake? I wanted to talk to you. We haven't had the chance to this week, and I want to make up for that lost time,", you slowly fluttered your eyes open to look at him, thankful the lights were low, or he would've seen how bloodshot they were.

"Hey, Keith,", your voice came out scratchy and low, and the ravenette furrowed his brows at this, moving slightly to turn the lights on and get a better look at you. "Wait, please don't! It's so bright!", he ignored your protests, the lights soon being on as he held your face in his hands, scanning every inch of it.

"Were you crying, love?", he asked.

"Yeah, but it's no big deal. I was just watching something sad,", he didn't seem satisfied with your answer, pulling his hands away and crossing his arms over his chest. "What?"

"As if I'd believe that. Stop lying to me. Is it because of that stupid fight you and Pidge had? Just apologise to her already,", he scoffed.

"It wasn't stupid! We had a fight, and now her, Lance and Hunk won't talk to me! My fights aren't stupid, just like your fights with Shiro aren't stupid! You come to me crying about that all the time, but do I ever cry to you about my fights? No! So please, do not make a comment on something when you have no idea what happened,", you defended, turning your body so you were facing away from him.

"Well why don't you come to me about stuff then? Do you realise how shitty of a boyfriend I feel when I walk into your room and find you all teary-eyed and shit, and you won't even tell me why?", he questions, eyes burning holes into your back.

"Oh, so you feel like shit, do you?", you laugh bitterly, sitting up and looking him dead in the eye. He nods, and you scoff before continuing. "Do you feel that shitty about having a huge argument with your friends and being ignored by your boyfriend that you hurt yourself?", he sits shell-shocked at your outburst. "Well, Keith? Do you? I didn't think so,"

"y/n...", he started, frowning. Realising what you had just said, your eyes widened, and you quickly scooted backwards, putting some distance between the two of you. his frown deepened as he reached out for you, but you flinched away. "I'm not mad at you, I promise. But, did you, perhaps, hurt yourself?"

Eyes filling with tears, you gave a small nod, not managing to say anything else before you broke down, sobbing louder than you had in a while. A sigh could be heard from in front of you, and you felt the bed dip beside you as an arm pulled you into their chest.

"Sh, it's okay, love. I'm here now, okay? We'll get through this together,", he cooed, rubbing your back soothingly. The two of you stayed like that for a while, until our tears finally ceased, and all you had left were a few sniffles. "Have you cleaned the wounds properly?"

"No, I just bandaged them,", you replied, pulling your sleeve up to show him the bandages. He's your boyfriend, you could trust him with this, right? Nodding, he kissed your forehead and stood up, walking to the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later with a cloth and a bowl of soapy water.

"Do you mind taking the bandage off so I can make sure nothing gets infected, sunshine?", he questioned softly, waiting for a nod before he moved closer, placing the bowl on the shelf next to him and dipping the cloth into it, ringing it out before dabbing it gently on your wrist, careful not to hurt you. "Is that okay? Does it hurt?"

"A little. But I'd rather it hurt than get infected,", you mumbled, watching his every move as he tended to your wounds. "I'm sorry,', he paused what he was doing, looking up at you. "I shouted at you, and then dumped all this on you when you have so much more to be worrying about,"

"You're my top priority, y/n. Nothing you do will ever be less important than anything else going on in my life, okay? All I want to do is make sure you're happy and healthy, so don't ever be sorry about confiding in me about something, even if it is in the heat of an argument. I'm just glad I know now, so I can be there for you,", he assured, sitting up to rest his hand on your cheek.

"Okay,", you leaned into his touch.

"Now that's clean, we'll let it breathe for a bit. And I'll talk to Pidge for you later so the two of you can make up. Deal?", you nodded, and he smiled softly, arms wrapping around you. "Now, how about we have a little nap? You looked exhausted when I came in earlier,"

"Yes, please. And Keith?", he looked down at you once more.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for not getting mad at me, or hating me, when you found out about... you know,"

"I'll never be mad at you over that, love,"