Chapter 4

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 I got to school and sat at the entrance like always and waited for Alice and Jasper to arrive before getting breakfast. This was part of my routine. I waited for them in the mornings. They arrived about ten minutes after me, and they'd buy me breakfast at the cafeteria. My first two months here, I would buy my food myself, however, after I gave in to Alice and Jasper's presence, Alice insisted on buying my food. My Puerto Rican sensibilities were appalled, surely if they bought my food every day I'd be taking advantage of them, no matter how rich they were. Not to mention what my mom would say if she found out I was letting other people pay for me.

Still, Alice was not so easily deterred. She insisted on buying my food because she and her siblings ate breakfast at home, and that their father simply gave them credit at the school as a precaution. When that didn't work, Jasper stepped in, stating that it was cruel that the school charged for food anyway, and that this was a way of challenging that. And to be honest, that almost got me. Almost. Because back home, school food is free, and I was genuinely surprised when they told me that I'd have to pay here.

The debate went on for a whole month, and every time I sat to eat with them, with the food I'd bought Alice would pour the entire time. Eventually though, I did give in, with a compromise. I'd allow them to buy me breakfast, but not lunch and, and at least I'd be saving the money I usually used for breakfast. Alice was content with that, and shared a knowing look with Jasper that made me feel like I'd walked into a trap.

And so, here we were, eating my free breakfast next to Alice who filled the silence, and Jasper who always started the day with a lone coke.

"So I was thinking we could go shopping for the dance today" Alice chirped.

"Did I miss the part where I agreed to go?" I asked side eyeing her.

"Well no" she rolled her eyes "but you will!" That earned her a look from Jasper.

"Ah si?"

"Yes!" She batted her eyes "because we're your friends and you want to make us happy"

"Fine, I need to get a new jacket anyway" I decided that agreeing to shopping was better than agreeing to the dance just yet.

Alice cheered and kept talking about the dance and what I should wear, but I'd stopped paying attention. It felt nice to be called someone's friend, but I couldn't bring myself to say the word. Alice and Jasper were nice, and they were nice in a way that felt genuine. Not patronizing, nor like they were just interested in befriending the foreigner. But still, the admission of their friendship always choked me. After all, they didn't know much about me, nor why I was here. And just knowing the music I liked, and how I liked my coffee isn't enough to make someone your friends, right?

I looked at them both, sitting next to each other. A perfect picture. One that I'd inevitably ruin.

Jasper looked at me suddenly. "Eleonor, are you alright?" He placed a hand on mine, and I cringed back reflexively.

"I'm fine, I just lost my appetite" with that, I left the table. The feel of their eyes on the back of my head.

I spent the rest of the day in my own head. Which granted, wasn't the best thing to do, if the warnings from my therapist were anything to go by. Alice and Jasper tried to give me a wide berth, which I appreciated but I couldn't find the strength to really engage with them. I kept thinking about how I was lying to them, I wasn't being honest. What if we were hanging out one day and I had a bad episode? I couldn't expect them to just deal with that. It wasn't fair to them.

I couldn't pay attention to classes, so I opted to skip a few. Deciding to call my mom instead.

"Eleonor?" She answered quickly "Que pasa? You're supposed to be in class. Did you have another episode? Do you need me to call Dr. Douglas?" She continued her rapid fire questions.

"Ma, ma! Nothing happened I-" I didn't really know what to tell her, I didn't know how to explain "I just don't feel well, I couldn't focus"

"Ay mi amor! Do you need to leave? I'm sure the doctor won't mind sending a letter to the school" My mom always answered like that, I know she must be jumping up the walls because she doesn't know what to do.

"No, no it's ok, the day's almost over, I just didn't know what to do" I sighed, picking at my almost bloody nails "I just needed to let it out, I think"

"Okay Eleonor, just breathe like the doctor told you. Everything is ok, it's just in your head"

"I know, I know"

The conversation went on like that until the bell rang indicating the start of Biology class. My mom and I shared heartfelt goodbyes and I was off. My mom didn't know how to help me, which was the only reason she agreed to let me run away to Forks in the first place. She tried her best, and calling her helped, she was very practical and a realist. She said things with an air of confidence that had gotten her very far in life, so when she told me everything was okay I believed them enough to calm down. But back home things felt so heavy, she was so sad all the time, so worried and I didn't know how to not be like this. So when the doctors suggested some time away would be good, that the anonymity of a new place would help. I jumped at the chance, and my mom bit her tongue, because she knew it was for the best.

I got to biology late, but the teacher didn't seem to mind too much. As I took my seat Bella tried to ask if I was alright, but Edward dissuaded her. I suppose Edward has a better ability to read a room.

Class passed in a blur, surely it had to do with cellular phases or something. I'd ask Edward for his notes later. Gym was even faster, the coach wanted a serious mock game so Bella was benched and I played on automatic.

The parking lot was loud and busy as always, the light rain making the already icy ground even more of a hazard. I heard Alice calling me over so that we could go shopping. She stood next to Jasper, both standing at their car, parked next to Edwards gray car, him with the rest of their siblings standing around both vehicles. While I was walking towards them I heard a loud screech followed by a crash.

"Don't-" Alice started but I couldn't hear anything else over the sounds of overlapping voices and the rain.

I turned to see a van crashed into Bella's faded truck. There was glass all around and I was sure people were screaming. But none of that got my attention, the blood did.

It was splattered all over Bella's truck and puddling from under the van. And Bella herself was crushed through her middle, her torso laying over the hood of the van. Lifeless eyes staring right at me.

I screamed until someone was next to me, trying to say something. But I couldn't hear them.

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