Not a Fan (Wilbur Soot)

Clueless

"Wil, I didn't realize you knew-" 

"It's fine, Niki. There's no way you could've known. I mean, even I barely even understand what's going on. Sometimes I remember that I just met her a week ago and it blows my mind. I feel like I've known her for months or years, but at the same time like I still haven't met her. She's allusive and secretive but also open and vulnerable at the same time. She's not held together by tape and glue. She's not a ticking bomb. She's just alone. When you're alone, you do things that don't always make sense to the people on the outside looking in. I just don't want her to ever feel alone again." Wilbur interrupted. 

Silence fell between the two. Wilbur wanted to apologize, to say that he wasn't trying to imply he knows more about Rori than Niki, considering they have been friends for years. He wanted to say so much more, but all the words that came to mind just felt like they would dig him into a deeper hole. 

"I know you're a person who feels things more deeply than the rest of us, but even so, I don't think I've ever heard you talk about someone like this. At least not someone you just met. I'm going to be honest, Wil, I don't know if that's a good or bad thing." Niki finally broke the silence. Her words were quiet and reserved, as if she knew the ice beneath them was melting, that neither of them knew just where this conversation was going to lead them. 

"I don't know if things always have to be good or bad. Sometimes, they just are what they are. I feel what I feel for Rori. No matter how good my intentions are, or how bad the outcome may be, that's all I really know right now. I have feelings for her, Niki. I just want to see her happy." Wilbur answered. He wasn't even sure if he was making sense anymore. His words felt like a string of consciousness being pulled out of him.

Wilbur looked over to Niki for the first time since their conversation took a heavy turn. He was expecting to be met with a face that was dripping with concern- unsure of whether than concern would be for him or for Rori. Instead, Niki seemed to look like she understood. Like somehow she found her own meaning in his philosophical rhetoric. 

"You said something similar to me once. You said, 'people aren't good or bad, they're either charming or tedious, and you'll never know their motives until you can look passed that.'. Wil, you may know what you want to come from this, but maybe it's time to be upfront and see what Rori wants." Niki extended her hand, holding the side of Wilbur's face. Wilbur accepted the gesture, holding his hand to the back of hers as he leaned against her palm. 

"Yeah, being straightforward has never really been my strong suit, but I suppose you're right." Wilbur closed his eyes, pulling his face away from Niki's hand to let his head hang against his chest. 

"Alright, so this stream definitely isn't happening. Why don't we just-" 

"No, no. I really want to stream. I just want one thing in my life to feel back to normal right now and doing a chill stream might just give me that feeling. Let's just do something lighthearted. How about a you laugh you lose challenge?" Wilbur interrupted, hoping for any distraction to postpone his thoughts from running back to Rori. 

Niki hesitated before answering, looking like she wanted to hold her ground on canceling the stream. Eventually she gave a small smile and head nod. Wilbur was thankful for this. He was feeling like a disappointment in so many areas of his life at that moment, the last thing he wanted to do was also disappoint all the fans waiting for the stream he promised. 

"Swap seats with me and I'll get the starting soon screen and media share set up." Wilbur said with a soft smile, moving to sit in front of the computer. 

"Oh- I never got to tell you the funniest thing ever." Niki said softly as she moved seats. Even though her tone was quiet, Wilbur could hear the smile creeping into her words.