SWEET ESCAPE || poe dameron x reader

chapter fifteen: heidi

It was hard to breathe.

It was hard to see.

From the moment your knees hit the ground you didn't feel alive anymore. You felt nothing, not even the coldness of the bay floor beneath your shins, penetrating through your flight suit. Your limbs were limp, too tired from the way you'd abused your Force without warning or preparation.

You mentally reached out for her, again and again and again in some last-ditch attempt to feel her, to hold her, to hear her laugh and see her smile.

When he screamed you were torn from your head to look at him tiredly. Lynx was raging. Red, tired, inconsolable. He launched his helmet at the closest wall, stomping away as the glass visor smashed into a hundred pieces and dropped to the floor. He paced relentlessly, huffing and puffing through his mouth as his face increased in redness and his eyes welled.

Mechs and other pilots tried to calm him, but every hand placed on his shoulder only made him explode further. Every touch they gave him only reminded him of the touch she'd given him; a touch he'd never have again.

Black-Six approached him, crying steady tears. He reached out for his forearm, and Lynx exploded once more. He smacked away Six's hand. "Don't fucking touch me!" he yelled, causing Black-Six to retreat fully.

You'd never seen him this way, never experienced his anger or his pain or his rage. It was something you'd never wanted to witness, that would now be etched in your mind forevermore. Lynx's breakdown. Lynx's final scream. Lynx's sobs and wracking cries and loss of breath and life and—

Maker. I can't do this.

You swallowed dryly, trying to halt your throat from closing and your tears from falling, but the longer you witnessed Lynx's expulsion of emotions, it was becoming impossible.

"Lynx," you croaked out, forcing yourself to stand. He stopped pacing, frozen to his spot as you ascended. His eyes met yours, and it was game over. He burst into tears, rolling thick and fast down his cheeks, as he catapulted himself over to you and into your arms.

He cried like a child would. He cried like no one ever had before, clutching onto you for dear life; so much so that you could feel the strain of his lungs and his chest and his ribs as you embraced. You ignored the wetness of his tears as they fell on your shoulder and down your flight suit, focusing solely on feeling him. Feeling his strong arms, his overwhelmed emotions, his loss.

"Tell me it's not real, Ten," he whispered. You couldn't hold back anymore, as the lump in your throat became a golf ball.

"I can't," you breathed out.

"Please, tell me she's still out there—," Lynx begged.

"Lynx, just—,"

"She can't be gone, she can't—,"

"Stop it!" you exploded, pushing Lynx away as tears obscured your vision. The bay went stone cold quiet once more; the air crackled as it entered and exited your lungs. "Stop saying that, stop telling me to lie, stop asking me if she's alive. She's not alive, Lynx—and you fucking know that!"

Lynx swallowed silently, looking at you with puppy dog eyes; glassy, full to the brim with tears, broken.

"You blew up that Star Destroyer, with the Force," he said suddenly. A few gasps rang out around the hangar, alerting your gaze to skim across their sudden shocked and afraid faces. You shook your head quickly.

"No. No, I didn't—,"

"Yes, you did," his voice rang out suddenly, and your eyes immediately found his. Poe stood in the centre of the bay, cheeks sullen and sunken, eyes glassy and full of pain. His flight suit was open, exposing his undershirt and dog tags. His curls were flat, as was his frown.