Random thoughts

Part 4

Okay, so... I know I haven't been posting for so long... it's been, a year, maybe more, I don't know. But a lot is going on, I'm in 4th grade of high school and it's not easy to find time for writing- plus, I don't really have inspiration.

But recently something happened and I just can't not to write about it (of course, real names and details about these people will be changed). First, hi to my only fan (my best friend) who will probably read this- I love you so much bestie and I can't wait to see you ♥

I have a friend from another country (let's call him James). I spend a lot of time talking with him. When I say a lot, I mean a lot- we always send voice messages, texts on Instagram, snaps. We sing together while talking... I really like him- as a friend (I guess). It's just a lot of time and thoughts between him and me in general, which I like. 

Then, he said he liked a girl. She's from Poland, she's really nice and pretty- I don't talk with her, but he does and he seems so happy while talking to her. Although I was happy because he's happy (of course) I couldn't help myself from thinking that he'll spend more and more time with her and stop talking with me- which kinda hurt me. Anyways, he was talking about her A LOT and I just couldn't stand the thought of him forgetting me. Then he told me she has a girlfriend which made me happy (and I feel terrible because I felt happy even for a bit because he felt bad). And then she said it's a joke, that she doesn't have a bf... the rest is not important. 

I just feel bad because of feeling happy when he felt bad. It's so complicated (and because of that I think it would be a great story ;). Anyways... Am I a bad person because of thinking that way? Although I'm aware of "us" (as friends or more) never existing (because he lives far away), I still don't want him to be in love with someone else, which makes him depressed. Am I actually more toxic than I think? Am I a possessive person?

This part doesn't really make sense, it's complicated and while finishing it, I feel stupid because of writing it. I know I won't get any answers here, but I feel much better because of writing it. 

Anyways, maybe I write a similar story, or a one-shot, maybe neither. Hope the next thing I publish will be a story XD