Joel Miller x Reader

Forty-Nine

Darkness.

There was nothing but darkness.

Everything felt empty, dull and unrealistic. As if nothing was real but also not non-existent.

But it wasn't a dream either. At least you didn't think it was.

The feeling of cold sweat covering your body was far too real for that. Cold and warmth alternately chased through every single limb. Your mind felt slow, like honey dripping from a spoon.

But it was working. You were aware that you could form thoughts and the voice in your head also listened to your command.

The touch of hands awoke in the darkness. With almost fearful tenderness the fingers moved over your neck, where the torn skin had formed into rough scars, then over your cheek and over your forehead.

There was the feeling of someone wiping the sweat from your face.

The sharp smell of disinfectant rose to your nose. For a moment everything burned. The pain bit into your flesh, like a parasite that wanted to corrupt your mind.

Your lips trembled, a whimper escaped you.

The hand withdrew.

There was a voice that cut through the silence. The words were only soft, fuzzy and barely understandable. But somehow they sounded soothing, felt like a warm hand that was trying to pull you out of this misery.

You reached for them.

Again your lips twitched. A mournful sound crept up your throat, stuck halfway, and made you cough. It hurt, your whole chest pulled together, cutting off the air. Your whole body began to shake, so hard you couldn't keep lying down.

Instead, you twisted in the sheets like a fish out of water.
The hands returned. Gently, they pushed you back and slid a pillow under your head for support.

Desperately, you gasped night air.

Again the voice sounded. This time it seemed louder, but still hard to catch. It sounded like the person from under the water was talking to you.

Suddenly, a bright light tore the darkness apart. Dazzled, you squinted your eyes.

"(Y/N).", the voice sounded so close that the owner must be sitting next to you. "Are you... awake?"

With narrowed eyes you mumbled something. Your voice was scratchy. Just trying to speak hurt like gasoline in your lungs.

"J-Joel?", his name made your heart beat press against the ribs.

His hands pressed on your chest. Carefully he felt over the bones as if he was looking for something, a fracture or a reason that could explain the suffering. But when he found nothing, he sighed, his chest pulling together and his heart heavy.

"Can you hear me?", there was this hope in his voice, so fragile. "Please..."

There was possibly also a hint of disappointment. Or the fear he might never talk to you ever again.

Breathing heavily, you tried to move your fingers. Slowly the feeling returned to your body. The tips twitched, but at the cost of a feeling that made you thing they were about to shatter into a thousand pieces.

Another tortured sound escaped your lips. With a shaky, tired breath, you forced yourself to open both eyes despite the pain that the bright lights was causing.

Tears blurred your vision and for a moment the world was nothing but a watery vail and dancing shadows in front of you.

Bowing down to you with a worried look on his face, Joel dared to let his fingers stroke over the pale, blemished skin like he did many, many times in the past few months. A shiver crawled down your spine as the warmth of his touch spread through you.

With an exhausted groan you managed to raise your hand and let the tips of your fingers dance over his face. Beard stubbles tickled you.

"Joel?", you asked as he lowered his head and pressed into your touch.

His hand found yours.

"I can't believe you're alive...", he sounded both amazed and yet relieved. "How do you feel?"

Blinking a few quick times, you touched your head. A headache made made you feel like throwing up.

"What happened?", you asked in a scratchy voice.

Talking hurt.

Swallowing hurt even more.

But at the same time it made you smile.

You were alive. Surprisingly and suffering, but still alive.
Breathing out heavily, Joel closed his eyes.

His head fell back and he seemed like the weight of the world just fell from his shoulders.

"You were shot.", he started, his eyes fixed on you as you tried to sit up straight.

"Yeah, I can recall that...", you gasped.

A sharp pain chased through your lower body. Pulling a face, you pressed a hand on the arching spot and checked what caused this weird feeling that moved inside your flesh.

There was a scar, about the size and shape of a grape right above the bone of your hip. Another long scar stretched right through the first one, creating a strange shape that was something between a cool signature and a symbol of stupidity.

As you let your fingers stroke over it the skin felt rough.

Confused, you frowned.

"This is well healed.", you mumbled, looking at him.

He nodded, as if it was self explanatory.

"You've been gone for months.", he grabbed your hand and squeezed it. "Didn't even know if you'd come back."

Surprised, your head snapped up, taking a glance out of the window. Outside, the world was green and fresh. The sun was shining and birds were chirping.

"It's... summer?", your eyes tightened. "But... this isn't Jackson... is it?"

He shook his head.

"It's a farm. Ellie's farm. And Dina's."

"Ah. She made it?"

A soft chuckle made his chest tremble.

"She's better than ever. Took good care of you many nights when I passed out."

Groaning, you pushed the blanket aside and tried to slip out of bed. But your legs were still weak. You stumbled, not even able to stand properly and threatened to crash to the ground.

"Woah, easy.", with a worried look on his face, Joel caught you. "You woke up few seconds ago. Don't expect miracles."

Breathing heavily you wrapped your arms around his neck and allowed him to pick you up.

"Do me the favour and let me breath some fresh air.", you mumbled, letting your tired head fall against his shoulder with a sigh. "The air in here is terrible."

He chuckled softly.