House of Winter

Chapter 30, Part 1

The world seemed to shake for days. Lumi and Tom flew on Kobuk through clouds of ash and smoke. They flew in the direction of the suns, which shone bleakly through the smoke clouds. They found farmland and in the cover of smoke they managed to steal supplies of food from a storehouse.

Lumi's magic had returned, and she built fires for them and they roasted vegetables on skewers over her magic flame. They slept where they could find shelter, wrapped up together against Kobuk's body for warmth, woken in the night by tremors from earthquakes.

On the third day, while staring into the fire of her own creation, Lumi said, "I expect they're all dead."

Tom had been using his ice magic to slice potatoes, and he finally looked up at her. His face was golden in the firelight. "The Reunsgardians were prepared to kill us," he said. "And there was no saving the Lombardians. That wasn't your fault."

"You say that as if you know anything, Tomas," Lumi said. "You never felt the life leave that man's body. I can still feel his life in my palm. And my soldier, Meiliu. Every night when I close my eyes I see her face."

"I don't know anything, Lumi," Tom said. "But I still don't believe it was your fault. You did what you had to do." He sliced through another potato with careful precision. "These are the last vegetables from that farm. We'll need to find more food tomorrow."

"Don't change the subject," she snapped.

Tom looked up at her with a blank expression. In that moment, looking at the way the fire lit up his eyes, she had a sudden desire to murder him. She imagined, briefly, pulling the magic from his body. She blinked and looked down at her hands. She was holding a fire in her palm, and she hadn't realised that she had been burning the back of her hand. She let the fire die.

She realised what she wanted, right now, was a fight. She wanted to argue with Tom. She wanted to make him feel bad, because maybe that would make her feel a little less horrible in this moment.

It was how Tai had treated Lumi for their whole lives. Every moment in which he'd felt bad, he had turned around to make Lumi feel worse. For him, it had always been about making himself feel better.

Lumi had always known that, in some way. She'd always known that Tai's hatred for her wasn't personal, but was instead his own way of protecting himself. But it had hurt just the same. She would never want to inflict that kind of pain on Tom, who had never so much as said a bad word to Lumi.

Lumi stood up. "I don't know what to do," she said, and her voice sounded small.

"If you need a task, you can melt water," Tom suggested. "Or take a walk. Or give Kobuk a hug."

She glanced at him, suddenly realising that what she wanted was for Tom to hold her. Instead, she turned and walked out of their hidden shelter, and uphill towards the forest. As she walked, she imagined feeling a surge of power through her body. The ground trembled beneath her. Another aftershock. The volcanos had erupted somewhere deep in the icelands. Lumi couldn't allow herself to consider whether the volcano in Singtsu had erupted. It didn't bear thinking about.

When she was calmer, she returned to their fire and the half-cave that gave them some protection from the icy winds. There was less snow here, now that they were closer to the ocean, and there were finally trees again.

They cooked potatoes, then afterwards they tried to make the little cave comfortable. They had only one blanket, which Tom spread across both of them before he lay down. All pretences of dignity had been left far behind - they slept as close as they could together for warmth, with no thought for how unseemly anyone could think it.

"Come here," Tom said, and Lumi lifted her head so he could wrap his arm around her, and then he pulled her into his chest. They lay in silence for a while, and Lumi assumed that Tom was sleeping, until he finally said, "I'll never imagine how it felt, Lumi. But I know in my heart it was never your fault."