Unbroken || Dan Howell x reader

Chapter 15

*triggers*

Do I have any reason to live? Dan was the only person I could trust, the only person that I loved, and that loved me back. But he was gone. I pushed him away. Well, I knew he was going to leave eventually. Nobody stays with me for too long. I mean, who would?

These were the thoughts that went through my head while dragging that blade across my almost healed flesh.

'He thought I only had one blade?'

My head was all over the place, and this was the only way I knew how to get rid of the mental pain.

I was just glad that I wasn't dragging Dan down with me anymore. He can go live his life in peace, without having to worry about me killing myself all the time. Not that he would notice if I did anyway.

I don't know why I couldn't get over him. He had gotten over me pretty quickly.

He was now dating that girl that he cheated on me with at the party, her name was Julia or Jordan or something like that. They started seeing eachother like a week after me and Dan split up, and have been together for... almost three weeks? I don't remember. All I know is that I was dying to have him back. Literally dying.

I see why Dan left me for her though. She's prettier, skinnier, taller, funnier, smarter, she's everything that I'm not. I guess she's going to uni to study law. Great match for Dan. But, he seems happy with her, and without me.

-----

Somehow, Phil had got me to come out of my apartment and join him in his. I hadn't been outside of my place in weeks.

I was still making videos, but my subscribers could tell I wasn't that excited about making them anymore. For starters, I hadn't mentioned Dan in a while, let alone had him in my videos. That was their main concern. Others had said that I didn't seem very smiley and cheerful like I usually did, that they could tell I wasn't happy. They were right, but I couldn't tell them that. It'd be bad for Dan's career and mine, so I decided to just not mention it.

Phil and I were sitting in the lounge in his apartment playing Call of Duty on the playstation.

"I'm going to hunt your ass down." I told Phil in a raspy voice.
"Not. A. Chance." Phil mocked my voice.
"Try me, Lester." I was staring dead at the screen, getting ready to sneak up on him.

He was walking around a corner, completely unaware that I was in a building a block away. The room was quiet, and I could feel Phil tense up. Then, I took the shot.

As Phils character collapsed lifelessly on the ground, the screen darkened and displayed the words "VICTORY" across my half of the screen. I stood up and started to cheer.

"YESSS!!!!! TAKE THAT LESTER!"
"Not fair, you totally cheated!"
"Cheated my ass, you just can't lose." I laughed at Phil's pouting face.
"Okay okay, you won. Now stop with the sassy dance." Phil smiled.
"I'll have you know, I take my gaming very seriously." I stuck my tounge out at him, and he laughed.

I was too busy celebrating to notice Dan at the doorway.
"Ahem." Dan coughed, getting us to acknowledge his presence. Phil and I looked over to him, and I immediately put my hands down.

He was with her.

They both stood in the doorway, hand in hand. I couldn't look at them, and I averted my gaze back to the television and began to set up mine and Phil's next match.

"... Hey Dan, Jessica." Phil finally managed to sputter out.

'Jessica, that was her name. Slutbag.'