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The red lights were excruciating.

The pressure in between my legs intensified through each and every single light, turn, and stop sign. 

I couldn't help but squeeze my thighs together to try and relieve the tension between them, but it was no use. 

Matthew was driving directly behind me, close enough that I could almost see the silhouette of his large stature through his windshield, if only his headlights weren't obstructing my sight. 

The night sky bled into the traffic lights and the bustle of activity that accompanied the evenings. 

Cool air seeped in through my cracked window, replenishing the chill along my heated skin that had been lost after the fight.  

My thoughts ran rampant through my skull on the drive, having nothing but my mind to keep me company, and the first thought that popped into my head was that I was actually delusional. 

How had I enjoyed what I'd done with Matthew, in public, in direct view of those people?

Worse yet, how had I gone to that fight, and not felt anything at all until I was wrapped in Matthew's arms?

What did that mean for me, for us?  Our relationship?

Was I to only rely on him to get rid of my anxiety when the panic swelled?  When the only thing my mind could focus on was fixing it, fixing myself, and Matthew was the only thing that could pull me out of it...

Were we doomed, inevitable, and destined to fail before we'd ever truly even begun?

There was already the backlash because of our age difference.

Matthew had lived a life already filled with ups and downs, and yes I had too, but it was more than that.  

I'd been living a half life underneath my father's thumb and had grown up far faster than I had ever intended. 

I'd never had a real childhood, and jumping right into something so mature with Matthew seemed like the best way to go at first, but now...

Now it felt suffocating, like one more minute and I'd be even more ensnared than I already was.  More dependent on him and his comfort that he can give me. 

I never wanted to be dependent on anyone again, especially not someone who could hurt me as irrevocably as Matthew could. 

And that was why when the interstate split off, the decision to keep going back towards the dorms was one of the hardest and easiest ones I'd ever made. 

I didn't answer Matthew's calls as he tried to figure out what I was doing. 

I didn't look back as I realized that he was still following me. 

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