no matter what decision your heart makes, I will be waiting for you...

Part 48

Tom

"Mommy? How do I know that I really love someone?"
"Oh honey... You don't think about it, that's the secret. It is the heart that makes the decision. Not your little head" she says as she kneels in front of me and taps her index finger directly on my forehead, making me squint up at the spot where her finger just tapped. "Neither your feet" she taps both my feet, getting a giggle out of my lips as I continue to listen to my mommy. "It is this pulsating organ that keeps you alive." my eyes still following her finger, it comes to my chest and taps directly on my heart. "This little thing that will grow and go through many things in life is your answer. If you love someone, this little heart of yours will tell you..." tell me? I don't think I understand a word. How can my heart tell me anything when it can't even talk? With my face squinted together in confusion, my mother continues. "When the butterflies start to tickle it, it feels like it's melting, or riding a roller coaster, you know you love someone."
"But mommy..." I whispered, scared of her words. "Why doesn't that happen when I look at you? even though I love you sooo muchh!" a giggle left her mouth as her hand
ruffled my hair. What's funny about that?
"That's a different kind of love, my sweet. But one day, I promise you, you will feel the love you are now asking for. You will feel it, and you will never forget the moment...Just promise me that you will fight for this feeling! Don't push it aside. Allow it! because during this time when you allow it, it will be the best time of your life. Love must be felt..." Love must be felt...

And in this moment, I did. I felt the love that I had pushed aside for too long already. The love of my heart that was meant for Y/N.
My Y/N.

And even though my mother always described love as a feeling of happiness deep inside my heart, the only thing my heart felt, was pain.
Y/N was not mine, and the way I was behaving, she sure as fuck never would be. But a small part of my heart also remembered the other words that my mother once said. Just promise me that you will fight for this feeling! Love must be felt...

And I will. I will fight for that girl. For her feelings to be mine. For her heart to belong to me, and my love to feel like her home. No matter how long it takes. I'll be waiting for her...

With her fingertips around my neck and her eyes fixed on mine, we danced on a dance floor that felt empty despite the many couples swinging around us.

All I could focus on was her beauty, and everything that was happening around me did my brain blend out as if it was just Y/N and me, alone in this world. As if it was just the two of us existing, and nothing could stop us from what we were doing at this moment.

She looked beautiful. Although I knew she was trying to avoid my gaze, I still couldn't take my eyes off her beautiful face.
Every little angle around us suddenly seemed so interesting to her it was annoying... annoying that it bothered me!
Whether she was looking over my shoulder, down at the floor, or keeping her head turned to the side, watching the other couples, she was doing everything she could to ignore me.
"Look at me!" I said, not meaning it as a demand or a plea, it was something in between, I would say. After all, I really wanted her to look at me, but there was still a hint of sadness in my voice that she wasn't already looking at me...

She still didn't. My heart beat impatiently with every second she continued avoiding my gaze. I had to see her big eyes! Just one look

Without me noticing, being able to do anything about it- one of my hands left her hip to lift her chin with my index finger caressing the skin, thumb barely brushing over her lower lip. "Please..." I whispered, now in a begging voice. I couldn't say for what though. Whether it was for her gaze, her attention, maybe even her love, but...
"What?" she asked back, voice in a soft whisper above the music. That was when I realised how close we actually were. With her nose almost touching mine, breath against her little face, and my pupils already twitching from her right eye to the left annnnnddd down to her lips. She looked breathtaking, and I was breathless!
"Please kiss me..." I begged, frowning.

I don't know what I was thinking, what has gotten into me or why I thought it would be so easy, but when I closed my eyes, my lips parted and my neck was already bending down to close the last gap between our mouths, she turned her head to the side.

Of course I didn't notice at first, how could I with my eyes closed, but at the latest when my lips collided with her cheek, I knew that she had rejected me. It wasn't the most embarrassing thing though, because what was even more embarrassing was the fact that I thought I was going to get a french kiss from her, which is why my tongue also touched her cheek for a moment.

I let my lips hover next to her right ear for a brief moment, hoping it would not only make the situation more comfortable for me, but also not look so stupid from the outside. I was aware that work colleagues are not allowed to date each other, maybe that was the reason why Y/N avoided the kiss, or simply because she didn't want to have the kiss, but nevertheless, I was too carried away by the moment to notice what I did.

In and out I breathed heavy puffs into her ear, and with the goosebumps that rose on the back of her neck, I knew she felt them.
Still, she said nothing.

I didn't know what her facial expression was like at the moment, but I could very well imagine how her little nose was pinched and her eyes narrowed, as if she were having a nightmare.

After about 10 seconds, which felt like half an eternity, I backed away with my body until I was standing upright and could take in her face again.
I was not entirely wrong. Her eyes were closed, mouth in a straight line, and nose wrinkled almost as if she was afraid, but not quite...

Maybe she regretted coming to the dance floor with me, which I also pushed her onto somewhere, but maybe... maybe the whole thing goes back a bit further...
"Do you regret it?" Her eyes slowly opened, head turned towards my words. She, too, was left speechless. Not knowing what to say, she continued to stare so deeply into my eyes, I wasn't sure if she could see my soul.
Well I... probably should be more specific I guess.
"Do you regret the time we spent together? The time that was wasted, because Y/N... I don't. I don't regret a single second I've spent with you, laughed with you, or even just talked to you... so answer me. Do you regret having met me?"

~Short part in between, because I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. However, this part does not mean that there will be another one next week. Hope u guys understand, and uhh, love ya?~